Monthly Archives: October 2009
Buried alive in catalogues
Posted by doggonedmysteries
It would be such a waste if our city didn’t recycle. I struggled to take our paper recycling bin out the curb tonight. Filled to capacity the darned thing is heavy. We put most paper, cardboard, and pasteboard into our blue bins. All the junk mail goes. Sometimes my blue bin can wait for two weeks between recycling nights. However, it seems that this week we had an over abundance of junk mail arrive and it’s not even near an election right now. I pondered this for a while.
Then it hit me. Ah, yes. The bin contained catalogues. It had dozens of catalogues from every imaginable place for every item that exists. Why? “Tis the season and the catalogue storm has only just begun.
We spent far too many hours mining through the Mother-In-Law’s house while she was in the rehab hospital. Therefore, tonight I reminded Dear Hubby to make sure every catalogue she gets hits her bin over the next few months. I do not want to find her buried alive under an avalanche of them some time around Christmas.
Tags: Author, Beads, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Coffee, comedy, Craft of writing, Crafts, Dead, Disability, Doggoned, Elder Care, Family, Fiction, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Recycling, Writer, Writing
Back to a quiet neighborhood?
Posted by doggonedmysteries
It looks as though the front porch and roof construction across the street is finally nearing an end. I’ll be so glad to have the peace and quiet back. From the time the work began, the workers have kept a radio blasting and they start a little after seven in the morning. The work itself isn’t quiet. All of this takes place below my bedroom window. I am somewhat sleep deprived and cranky these days.
I won’t miss the sounds of hammers, saws, cement trucks, wood tossed into dumpsters, the loud radio, and the yelling. I won’t miss the cars of the workers parked everywhere, nor will I miss the honking horns of them leaving.
Why do people have to honk their car horns for anything other than an emergency? For that matter, why do they blast their music so loud that it not only rattles the windows but the bass levels rattle the entire house? Then again, I was one of those teens who didn’t blast my music to deafening levels. Yep, I was weird.
I’d love to see those cars that have the bass up to sonic boom levels suddenly crumble into teensy pieces of metal or fiberglass leaving the startled driver sitting on a seat in the middle of the road. Mwahahaha! Did I say I was a bit cranky?
Tags: Author, Beads, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Coffee, comedy, Craft of writing, Crafts, Dead, Disability, Doggoned, Family, Fiction, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Writer, Writing
How many ways can you say ‘have sex’ and keep it, uh, clean?
Posted by doggonedmysteries
As writers, we have to come up with various ways to say ‘having sex’ without delving into the use of that four letter word. I mean we COULD use that word BUT then you get editors and readers who don’t like the word and stop reading. We don’t want that! Many of us use that word—I include myself in there, but we use it sparingly in our writing, if at all.
At the May Pennwriters conference, the subject came up when I asked Dave, after reading his works for years, just exactly how many ways he could say it. (Actually, I think I said, “Holy crap, Dave you can write F___ in more ways than anyone I know. Have you ever written them all down in a list? We could have some fun by asking everyone what euphemisms they use.) He often surprises me with his euphemisms. Today he finally got around to sending me a list of fifty three.
Dave’s List
- Bang
- Bed bounce
- Bedroom bolero
- Boff
- Boink
- Bounce the Beauty Rest
- Bump uglies
- Bury his boner
- Condom Cha-cha
- Dip his wick
- Do the nasty
- Futon fandango
- Foxtrot on the futon
- Get laid
- Grope and poke
- Haul his ashes
- Honk his horn
- Hop her bones
- Horizontal hoedown
- Hump
- Lay down lap dance
- Massage his mast
- Mating Macarena
- Mattress mambo
- Nail
- Party on the Posturepedic
- Polka on the Posturepedic
- Poke
- Polish his pole
- Pump
- Pump his pole
- Punch
- Put out
- Quickie
- Ride his rod
- Ride the saddle
- Rock the rack
- Rod rumba
- Screw
- Serta samba
- Shake the Serta
- Slide the salami
- Split her uprights
- Stroking his pole
- Sweat the sheets
- Tangle the sheets
- Tangle toenails
- Toe-to-toe tango
- Trojans tango
- Warming his wick
- Waxing his wick
- Woody massage
- Woody waltz
Now, I’m sure there are plenty of writers and regular people who have other euphemisms. Romance writers probably have a whole dictionary of them. You are welcome to add to the list. I only have 4 rules.
- Keep it fairly clean and no fair using the words sex, F**k, or anything Dave beat you to with his list.
- Please no mentioning the body parts involved by name or vulgar slang terms. I don’t want this blog X-rated.
- I have the right of approval, if I find your list offensive I will edit or delete it.
- Dave and I have the right to appropriate all really, really, good ones for our own use. 😉
Posted in My blog
Tags: Author, Beads, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Coffee, comedy, Craft of writing, Crafts, Dead, Disability, Doggoned, Family, Fiction, Harlequin Romances, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Romance writers, Writer, Writers, Writing, writing romance
Some day Stacy and Clinton will darken my door
Posted by doggonedmysteries
I’m a prime candidate for the show What Not To Wear. I am a fashion moron, a fashionista’s nightmare a slob–I’m not kidding here folks. If it weren’t for my dear friend G, I wouldn’t have a thing to wear that wasn’t a T-shirt, or a sweatshirt with jeans. Most of my jeans are ratty looking and my choice of shirts would make Stacey cringe and Clinton vomit.
As I sat there watching the show tonight (for lack of anything else interesting being on TV) I came to conclusion, that one day, in the future, one of my friends was bound to send my name into the show. If only to watch me embarrass myself in public. Then again, I often embarrass myself in public, so what else is new?
I can disgrace myself in less than a minute. Walk me into a clothing store and watch me have a complete meltdown.
“Clothes? You want me to buy clothes? Are you out of your friggin’ mind?”
On another note…Today marks the one year anniversary of this blog. When I began writing this a year ago I never expected to have as many hits or lovely comments as I’ve had. Thank you dear readers for giving me the encouragement to continue doing this.
Posted in Misc
Tags: Author, Beads, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Coffee, comedy, Craft of writing, Crafts, Dead, Disability, Doggoned, Family, Fashionistas, Fiction, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, shopping, What Not To Wear, Writer, Writing
Procrastination or a necessity?
Posted by doggonedmysteries
I finally got around to clearing my desk of junk. Papers, magazines, old bills, and various other piles of debris landed in the recycling bin. Lo and behold, I found my desk.
Was this another delaying tactic on my part? No, in truth, the desk was in dire need of cleaning. I could’ve written my novel in the dust. The heaps of crap stuff were beginning to block my computer monitor. I can’t write if I can’t see the danged screen now can I. When all that’s left sticking out of the detritus is a keyboard, mouse, and three quarters of a monitor screen, I think it’s time to clean. I could call in Kim and Aggie and have them clean, but I don’t think my house is dirty enough to qualify.
Have you seen those houses they clean on that show? If mine looked that ghastly, I’d burn it down. I certainly wouldn’t allow those two women and a camera crew to come in and film them screeching in horror at the filth.
Does a clean and organized desk make you a better writer? I’m not certain about that yet I’ll let you know.
Posted in Misc, My blog, Writer, Writing
Tags: Author, Beads, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, cleaning, Coffee, comedy, Craft of writing, Crafts, Dead, Disability, Doggoned, Family, Fiction, Home, how clean is your house, Humor, Kim and Aggie, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, what a mess, Writer, Writing
Baby, it’s cold outside
Posted by doggonedmysteries
It’s barely over forty degrees outside tonight and my furnace kicked on early this evening. The dogs love this weather. They’ve been total idiots for the last few days. My bruises are proof of that. With every wild romp around the yard or huckle butt in the house, I’m home base. There’s nothing like having two 65 lb dogs land in your lap at the same time.
The trees have begun to dress themselves in their fall finery, and at this rate, I’ll soon have to start raking the yard. That means another bout of insanity with the dogs. They are worse than kids are or I am when it comes to jumping into leaf piles. Gavin and Patty beat me to them every time.
We had such a wet summer we didn’t get to enjoy sitting outside in the evenings as often as we would have liked. I’d sit outside now if I could do so comfortably. But baby, it’s cold outside and I miss summer already.
Posted in Misc
Tags: Author, Beads, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Coffee, comedy, Craft of writing, Crafts, Dead, Disability, Dog humor, Doggoned, Dogs, Family, Fiction, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Pet humor, Pets, Rescue Dogs, Writer, Writing
Doggonedmysteries 