Monthly Archives: April 2015
Is there an answer?
When one reaches the end of the rope what comes next?
Do you fall?
Do you grab another rope?
Do you grow wings and fly?
I wish I had the answer because I can see the frayed end getting closer each day.
For sale: one Curmudgeon, comes with his own lounge chair…
What part about “Don’t throw any crap at me until after I have had my coffee” is difficult to understand after almost 42 years?
I used to be a happy person
These days, not so much. I spend way too much time trying to find a hidden corner in which to cry.
I try to start projects only to have multiple interruptions from The Curmudgeon and the dogs. He has developed a passion for asking me stupid questions about TV shows I am not watching nor am I interested in them but I am busy doing other things. He could take to dogs out when they fuss when I’m busy, but once I am up he refuses to do anything except watch TV.
Therefore most of my projects are half done, half-assed, or barely begun.
Is there any wonder why I have a great tendency to throw up my arms and say, “Fuck it” so often?
Yes, I’m depressed. I am unhappy. Sad. Tearful. No I don’t want medication. I want a life. I want my partner back. I am sick of living with a lump who seems to get a perverse enjoyment out of driving me crazy.
Soon, fishing season begins
Sometimes you need to withdraw into yourself to regain some sort of stability. I do believe that is where I am going to go come fishing season. I hope to be out and fishing and using that alone time to dive inwards and lose some stress that I have had building for a year.
Since I was very young, fishing was one of the ways I could reconnect with my center.
I am mostly a catch and release fisherwoman. The Curmudgeon doesn’t like trout. I do keep some on occasion so G and I can enjoy them and save some $$ on our grocery bills.
Even though I had a license last year I never got out to fish. I’m hoping this year will be different.
In loving memory
My Dearest Sister,
Not a day goes by where I don’t think of you. I love you and miss you with all my heart. I still pick up the phone to tell you something… You’re not there. I miss your smile, your giggle, your humor, your warmth and joy. There are days where my heart breaks all over again knowing you are gone. We held each others deepest darkest secrets buried in our hearts. I still hold yours, who will hold mine?
And then there was sun and warmth…
The dogs and I couldn’t be out enough yesterday. Today is supposed to be even nicer. 
The tree will soon look like this if yesterday is any indication. Soon after that we’ll have full bloom going. Today I am spending most of my day outside.
Run run run away…
As many a caregiver give will tell you, or not (because they won’t admit it to themselves), there are days where you truly want to pack it in and just leave. Believe me, If I’d had the money to be able to do it, I would’ve been gone yesterday.
It was a crazy “I am beyond overwhelmed day” for me. Even the small stuff had me ready to explode. Maybe it stems from being closed in with The Curmudgeon for well over a week.
Yes, I need to get out of here even if it is only for an hour or two.
Not a bad day…
Lackluster weather. Rainy, chilly, miserable in general. However, the flowers are all looking good and the magnolia tree will soon bloom.
At least the dogs are happy. Both of them seem to have hit the mother load of happy.
Automated prescription services…suck
I have no idea why they can’t remember one of my regular prescriptions. It never fails, it’s the same one every time that gets forgotten by both my doctor and the pharmacy. I swear I’m going to ask the doctor if I can stop taking it because they forget it so often it seems that maybe I am not meant to be on it. I hate that I have to chase down the pharmacy by e-mail and automated phone mazes and the doctor’s busy office on this all the time.
All my other prescriptions go smooth as silk. I swear next time I go to the doctor’s office and I hand them my prescription list that I print out each time I am going to freaking highlight the damned trouble maker.
Up tempo
I dance with life every day
two steps forward
three steps back
one of these days I might lead
two steps back
three steps forward
maybe a change of tempo
maybe an extra beat
one day I might miss a step
trip over my own two feet
might even forget the dance
and when I do
do I forget you?
Margaret Hauser 4/8/2015
Wore this yesterday
Well, that didn’t work.
So much for the Acthar. He swears that once he did each injection, he felt worse soon afterwards. This is not good. He called his Neurologist and she agreed that he should stop it.
Now what?
I have no idea.
I have a ringside seat to this show and I don’t want it.
It tears me apart to watch this man struggle daily. The way it shreds my heart makes me believe that one day I won’t have one left.
Today’s shirt:
Doggonedmysteries 