Finally Monday.

Now I was able to begin making phone calls, notifications, cancellations, changes of pensions, one thing after another.

By the end of the day I had several appointments made to get paperwork done.

I have a ton of paperwork on its way to me and days of running around to do.

I just want it done.

I feel like I can’t breathe with it all ahead of me.

I want it behind me.

I need it over so the panic attacks don’t start. I can feel them sneaking around me waiting to pounce.

I need it over so I can run away from here. I have a waking nightmare every time I am on the stairs or look at the stairs, seeing him sail through the air and the expression on his face when I covered him at the bottom of the stairs, repeatedly telling him not to move while we waited for the ambulance.

If it weren’t for Lucy pestering the heck out of me I don’t what I’d do.