I know it sounds horrible, but I do not go out to the hospital to sit with him every day. He doesn’t need me there to keep expressing my terror, anger, fear, and other inappropriate emotions in front of his doctors and nurses.

He said I embarrassed him at his pain management appointment for being short with a receptionist who kept us waiting for what seemed like forever while she fiddled around with her computer game rather than set up his next appointment in a timely fashion.

Therefore, I see no need for me to do any more embarrassing of him by my presence.

I’ll better spend the time getting the neglected (I can’t hear my TV when you vacuum!) housework done. (Can”t you dust some other time? You’re blocking the TV for a minute while you clean the screen and stand off.)

(Can’t you mop the floors when I am up for my nap? But don’t vacuum first or anything that’s too noisy.)

Yeah, going out in bad weather to a place I hate to sit for hours with The Curmudgeon to listen to him moan about his fall …not gonna happen.

I managed to get 5 loads of laundry done, strip my bed, remake it with the clean sheets and comforter, Start cleaning and dusting my bedroom…maybe I’ll get it clean enough in a few days to be able to actually sleep in my bed which I haven’t done for several years.

All the while with no TV on and music going–something I haven’t done since the last time he was in the hospital. You know, that time where I tore his room apart, cleaned the crap out of it, painted it, and put down carpet squares…

Now it’s a great time to clear more stuff out of here.

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Yesterday, at 1 a.m. my husband took another tumble down the stairs. I was seated at my desk when he came flying down.

This time I saw him as he flew and landed on his head.  He had a seizure upon landing.

I immediately dialed 911, told him not to move, covered him with a blanket–he didn’t have a stitch of clothing on–I think he was heading for the shower and fell backwards down the steps. I managed to get his undies on him without moving him. Wasn’t too difficult since he’d broken the metal gate and was lying on it.

He has a brain bleed and some rib fractures, he looks like crap, and I am well on my way around the bend. The doctor assures me he will improve and we are looking at rehab again too. (sigh)

I’d give my eyeteeth to be able to move into a single floor home with two master suites. His and hers. Otherwise…well, I keep dreaming of a lottery win so I can just disappear.

The Curmudgeon had a rough day. He took a few more tumbles and after he went up to bed, I had to get Kevin from next door to help get him back into bed after he’d gone into the bathroom and collapsed halfway out the door on his way back.

I couldn’t lift him, at that point he already had me exhausted. I bless my next  door neighbors every day since they will come to the rescue any time they are needed.

On the bright side, even though I got turned down for SS on my hours (I lack 40), I got a letter informing me that I now have wife’s benefits! So we now have a bit more coming in each month that might help cover getting some help in.

Watching him struggle to get his own breakfast this morning has been painful, but if I do it for him, that’s another thing he’ll stop doing for himself.

I have to periodically step back and tell myself, “if you do it he won’t try.”

When he stops trying, he may as well be dead.

And after midnight, a thick ice coating everything!!! Lovely weather today-NOT.

We had snow over night. It turned into sleet during the morning and later became freezing rain and rain. All of which resulted in a very slushy yard.

Lucy didn’t want to go out in it except for when I put her new hoodie on her and took her out front to Arlene who was working hard to clean our walk and driveway off.

Lucy gave Arlene many kisses and then decided she was cold enough to go back inside. She’s such an affectionate little girl!

Getting The Curmudgeon to his pain management appointment was a logistical horror show.

He was having a very bad day. So bad, in fact, that I had to convert his rollator to the transfer chair to get him in and out of his appointment.

By the time we got home he was completely unable to walk. He had to crawl up the front porch steps and inside the house. I struggled to help him, throwing out my back once again….

I had to get the neighbor’s help to get him into his chair after he’d made an attempt to go upstairs. After he fell asleep in chair for a couple of hours he was recharged enough to make it up the stairs to his bed.

I am beyond exhausted.

I am exhausted again. It’s no wonder I turn into a raving mad woman most evenings.

I was sure he was safely in bed so I went into the kitchen to do the dishes and get things ready for tomorrow’s dinner.

Next thing I am startled by the sound of him falling and shaking the ceiling above me.

He claimed he was okay.

A little while later, I had just settled onto the couch, opened my book and was one paragraph in, when, once again, I was startled by the sound of him hitting the floor. This time he tells me to come up he needs me to get him out of the shower.

The shower? WTF were you doing in the shower now? I thought you were safely in bed! I dashed up the steps.

I throw a towel at him and tell him to get dried off, then I get his clothes together for him so he can dress on the bathroom floor because I cannot get a naked, slippery-wet man up off the floor. (Yes, I did hurt my back AGAIN.)

Once he was dressed I helped him onto his rollator and wheeled him back to his room.

Going on 46 years….I can honestly say I don’t like him much these days.

So, just a couple evenings a week, I’d like to not have to worry about what is going on with him.

He really needs an aide so I can decompress at night. At the moment he refuses to talk about it. (We’ll see about that.) I plan to open the discussion in front of his neurologist, I know she’ll back me on this.

My weight doctor believes my lack of progress on weight loss is due to my high stress levels with him.

When Mom got home from her doctor appointment she found a package between the doors.

When she opened it, she said it was for ME!

My tail  was all waggy and I was so excited! For ME!!!!

Thank you Mz Amanda! I loves it, I didn’t want the Momma to take it off of me. Now I’ll look all cute for my Vet appointment next week!

This is the material she used:

Hark! Is that the pizza guy at the door?!

You know, I too likes the pizza.

What do you mean,”I had my dinner already?”

I will trade my prized toy for a pizza bone!

The after pizza bones glow.

Yeah, I’m not cooking, I ordered a pizza to be delivered at dinnertime tomorrow.

I have a 1:45 doctor appointment and have to go grocery shopping afterwards so no cooking dinner for me.

I love that I can order it, pay for it including the tip, and have it delivered for our dinner tomorrow and they actually arrive on the dot.

I tried out my new little crock pot last night, I made our breakfast in it. I set it up with steel cut oats and it was perfectly ready at 10 a.m.

At 3 a.m. I greased the pot with coconut oil, put in a can of coconut milk, 1 and 1/4 cups of water, teaspoon of butter, 1/2 a tsp of salt, 1 cup of steel cut oats. about 1/4 cup of dried cranberries,  1/2 tsp of cinnamon, 1/4 cup brown sugar, stirred it well.

Put the pot on high for 30 mins, dropped to low for 7 hours.

I loved it, The Curmudgeon not so much. LOL

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