Monthly Archives: March 2019
Day 26
You know, I always thought the roughest birthday I’d ever have was the first year I didn’t share mine with my sister Kay. (I was born on her birthday when she was 12 years old. In October of my junior year of high school, she committed suicide.)
I was wrong.
Celebrating your 65th birthday alone, without your husband of 46 years being there is much, much worse.
It’s not like we’d planned to do anything–he hated going out when his MS got worse. However, I’d sort of planned to drag his butt out to celebrate at a small place that caters to the elderly and the handicapped. Their food is great and it’s not far from home.
I hope next year I’ll have a much happier birthday with new friends, a new home, and all the love I got this year from everyone.
Day 25
For those of you who are just beginning to read my blog…each post is a day behind the actual date of the post.
Spent the morning listening to Irish music. What else do you do on St. Patrick’s day?
Yes, I was wearing green.
Managed to dig through more stuff and sort out trash from treasure. I only had a couple of little melt downs.
I was delighted to get a call from my Uncle Jack (my Mother’s brother.) He called to wish me a happy birthday.
Lucy’s box of toys arrived from Amazon. Once I removed all plastic and tags, I gave her the box.
Day 24
Rick and his son Nicholas stopped by today. Nick fixed the last part on my computer, I can now listen to music and play movies.
They also tried to fix the problem with the plug to the Verizon box. We thought they’d succeeded but, hate to tell you guys, it’s a nope. Still cutting out.
Lucy, of course, was delighted to have company. Although, since Nick was the new entertainment in the room, she neglected Rick for a bit.
She’s such a love.
In my daily e-mail scan from the USPS, I saw I had a bill coming from the hospital. I dreaded opening it. I figured I would probably owe a fortune. It was with great trepidation that I opened the bill when the mailman delivered it.
With no insurance I’d be paying $3670.00 on this bill. As it stands, with his insurance coverage, I owe, so far, $30.65.
Talk about relief! 
Day 23
Lovely 71 degrees today. I actually opened one window and dropped the glass on the storm door on the back porch to warm it up. Yes, I said *to warm it up.* Really, I did! The freaking back porch is freezing cold still.
I had to close everything back up when it rained.
Ah, yes the rain with accompanying thunder. Lucy was not happy. She retreated to her crate until an hour after the thunder stopped.
I figured I go online and see about refilling my generic prescription Prilosec. That’s when I found out I no longer have my prescription plan.
Melt down.
Dave talked me down.
Nothing I can do until Monday anyway. And I can probably get away with the over the counter stuff. I have plenty of my heart and high blood pressure medications…So deep breaths.
I can do this?
I can do this.
Day 22
My debit card and checks arrived. What a relief to feel solvent again.
G and I went to the farmers market I picked up some sauerkraut from the NY Pickle Factory. It’s so good. They also have it with apple. Next time.
We each picked out a sushi tray at Mr. Beelee’s to bring home a eat for lunch.
Then on the way home I stopped to pick up my new glasses.
Day 21
I signed over one of his favorite guns to his old boss at the university today. As we stood in the gun shop filling out paperwork to transfer ownership, I felt sad, deeply sad.
Maybe it wouldn’t have had such a profound effect on me if it hadn’t also been the day the life insurance agent was here for me to fill out that paperwork.
Another chapter has ended.
I’m sure there are many little chapters I must go through before I get to the next major one.
That one terrifies me.
Leaving my home of 46 years. Facing a whole new community. New neighbors.
Hopefully, new friends.
Yeah, it’s scary as hell.
Photo by neil kelly on Pexels.com
Day 20
Loooong day.
Got a few things done.
Met with the financial guy, signed a lot of paperwork.
Stopped at Jay’s pain management and got it on the record that he’s dead and canceled the appointment he had the gal didn’t cancel back when I called them a few days after he died.
Did some minor shopping at Target.
Took G over to Barnes and Nobles for her to replace her Nook.
Got home to find Lucy had pooped in her crate and eaten it. Had to wash all her bedding because she was already down 2 blankets that were waiting to be washed.
Later she threw up.
OMG the stench! Had to clean the kitchen floor thank goodness she did it there and not on a rug or in her crate.
I wasn’t going to feed her dinner but she insisted.
Yep, that was a mistake. Now no food until tomorrow.
And she is staring at me from the ottoman, next to me.
Like this.
Day 19
Had my taxes done today.
We’ve been going to the same woman at HR Block for many years.
She was kind, she missed him.
So there’s another thing ticked of the list of many things I need to do.
Began tearing apart the kitchen cleaning all visible surfaces and putting things in the keep or toss piles.
I seriously need to go buy some more bins and beg people for cardboard boxes.
Old manuscripts… do I keep them?
Cookbooks…keep the ones I use all the time and sell the rest?
I dread digging through all the pots and pans.
Spice cupboards will go into a big bin that goes with me wherever I land.
I’ve thinned down his clothes. So many bags of them and I am nowhere near done.
All I can think of is, “what am I forgetting to do?”
I’m drowning.
Day 18
Most days I feel like I am suffering from Dissociative identity disorder.
There’s the coping okay and strong one who everyone sees.
There’s the puddle of tears on the floor needing a ton of hugs one. No one sees.
There’s the ‘I got married at nineteen and that’s all I know’ terrified one who hides whenever anyone appears.
Then there’s the ‘play the music louder, dance a little, enjoy the solitude you’ve never had’ one.
Finally, there’s the paralyzed in place one. She’s the one who feels like she’s forgetting some vital things that will bite her in the ass in the future.
Day 17
There’s so damned much to sort through.
46 years of life in one house.
When one partner is a latent hoarder.
I swear I’ve found a few things I know I threw away.
Plus there’s the dust and dirt to deal with, he got so every time I’d try to clean, he’d either mess it up, or tell me to knock it off.
“I can’t hear the TV.”
“That’s why we have the closed captions on.”
“The vacuum makes too much noise.” Or he’d holler from his room, “I’m trying to sleep do you have to run that now?”
“If not now, when?”
“Can I at least get the dusting done?”
If looks could’ve killed, I’d be long dead.
So, I’ve made a vow to myself that when I go into a room, I clean something and throw something out.
So far the bathroom is clean and the kitchen is looking a lot nicer. The living room isn’t half bad either.
I mopped the kitchen floor and even though I had to stop frequently to sit and ease the back pain, it is clean in all but one corner. There’s a lot of stuff there I need to go through.
Lucy seems to be becoming a new dog. She’s happier, more playful, and relaxed. From 10 a.m., after her breakfast, to 5 p.m. she’s a whirlwind of ‘throw the toy Mom!’ At 5, after her dinner, she conks out.
Toy box at 10 a.m.
Living room at 4:30 p.m.
Think she had a busy day?
Day 16
Unfortunately, our mail gets here at weird hours, often as late as 8 p.m. Today my mail got here at 4:30.
There was a letter from Social Security, they over-paid him so I need to pay them over $700.00.
They smell blood in the water…
Lovely.
Blood from a stone….
They are all landing.
Day 15
The life insurance guy I finally got a hold of was so sweet…and then when he pulled up Jay’s file he said “Oh this is such and so’s account. I’ll send them the information and they should get back to you.”
They haven’t. I’m left hanging again.
I want the other guy back, I’d rather have him work on this.
I guess what one wants and what one can get are two different things.
So I sat around all day waiting for a call back.
At least I managed to cancel his AARP account. Such nice people.
Made an appointment with our tax lady…
And called out financial agent back to let him know the death certificates were here so let’s set up that appointment we talked about.
I packed up another bag full of shirts to go wherever.
I guess today wasn’t a total loss.
Rick stopped by again so Lucy got some extra attention. She’s happy.
Doggonedmysteries 