Category Archives: MS related
Dream a little dream
Okay, I admit it. I often roll over and go back to sleep so I don’t have to face another day quite so soon. I am tired of arguments and feeling like all I am here for is to wait on The Curmudgeon. Unfortunately, yesterday my dreams went to us arguing rather than being something pleasant. I can’t escape even in dreamland.
I know I’d be more willing to do it if he actually made some sort of effort to get his muscles in even mildly better shape.
Physical therapy? He won’t go, the place is too far from home. Using the home gym I have set up? Nope, why would he bother?
He’d rather turn into this man who looks and acts as if he were 90 years-old than make any effort to work on muscle memory or strength. At least he will use his cart.
Of course, come to find out, Mr. Cranky Pants hasn’t been taking his antidepressants for at least a week. No wonder he’s been so impossible to live with. You bet I gave him the devil for not taking them when I found out and he’s started them again.
I hate MS. I hate that it has taken the kind, loving, and considerate man I married away.
Heat and MS not a good mix.
The heat got to The Curmudgeon yesterday. By the time I got up he was not in good shape, barely able to walk. It is so frustrating for him.
We had to turn the AC on. It didn’t get cool enough over night to turn it off and the forecast for today is even warmer. There goes the electric bill again.
I wish we could go solar and wind powered so we didn’t have to go broke paying for our electrical use in warm weather.
The yard work is going nowhere. I don’t seem to have the energy to tackle it. Heck, I don’t seem to have the energy to tackle much of anything these days. The feeling of being overwhelmed has only gotten worse these last couple of months.
I need to get the whole house fan installed and working so we can save a bit of money on cool nights and days. I haven’t the energy to drag myself to the attic and walk through the mess the roofer created up there to do it. Every time I see the mess up there I want to curl up into a ball and cry.
There’s too much to do and not enough of me to do it all.
Please, have a good one, at least then someone does.
This gift will keep on giving
After an overwhelming day the day before, yesterday, The Curmudgeon (Jay) took his mobility cart for several spins in the yard and showed it off to the next door neighbors.
I think he’s still a bit in shock over everyone’s generosity in getting the cart for him.
You have to understand that even though he was an only child, he was never treated well by either of his parents. They were cold people who never hugged or showed much affection.
Coming into my family, where most of us were demonstrative, was culture shock for him. My grandmother giving him hugs, my father treating more like a son than his own father ever did, my mother treating him better than his mother, sisters teasing him and showing him affection, he discovered a whole new sort of life and he liked it.
He was so touched by this gift. This outpouring of love from people he knows so little about. He was at a loss for words for most of the day, but I caught him outside admiring the cart more than once.
The Curmudgeon is mobile!
You have no idea what this gift meant to this man.
You all have a good one!
Too hot for him to handle
Ninety degrees yesterday. This meant I had a ‘jolt me out of a sound sleep give me a headache to start my day’ phone call from The Curmudgeon to say he couldn’t walk well enough to take care of Gavin but Lucy was done. I’m happy he tried but unhappy that he probably would have been able to do both dogs had he just worn his ice vest to keep him cool.
Why didn’t he wear his ice vest you ask? I asked him the same effing question. I have no idea what is so difficult about putting it on before he gets too warm and collapses.
I hate this effing disease that has taken away the strong man I married.
I can’t wait for him to get his cart. He still doesn’t know about it. Everyone will love the delivery of it. His surprise? Priceless!
You okay Daddy?
Better… not great but better
The Curmudgeon had a better day yesterday. He was able to walk the dogs out into the yard in the morning and did fairly well until the afternoon when he needed a nap. After his nap he was okay until bed time. He goes to bed before 7 p.m. Gavin agrees with him on the time.
It seems that Little Lucy Lu is a bit of a night owl. I don’t mind, she keeps me company. Although last night I had to put some peanut butter in the Kong to keep her busy while I cleaned the kitchen. I didn’t need her tripping me. She was happy to have the treat.
You all have a good one. I’m heading to bed early with hopes that I actually fall asleep.
I haz my Daddy.
I gibz him kizzez.
Not a good day
We had a real bad day here yesterday. Bad enough that I had to call 911 to get someone here to help get The Curmudgeon up off the floor. Every five minutes he was asking me for something which, of course, meant I had to climb a flight of steps or two depending on what I was doing at the time. It’s days like this, that turn me into a person I really don’t like one bit.
I am not a nurse. I never chose to go into that profession for a very good reason. I do not do well with sick people. I don’t do bed pans well, nor do I have any desire to excel at this. I am not a nice person when forced into this occupation.
It’s like denying me coffee for a week. I get cranky, real cranky.
For anyone who thinks it will get better. No it won’t, it will get worse. This is Secondary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis. This is not a bad cold, a heart attack, or anything that can cured by surgery or medications. They can try to manage it with medications but there is no cure and things are all down hill from here.
What he needs is to have friends stop by often so I don’t have to be right there every minute. I have dogs, a house, a garden, yard, and all the chores that go with it that I need to do to survive day-to-day.
What is beyond me at the moment…I need a leaky toilet replaced, safety bars hung, the mess in my attic that the roofer left cleaned up. I even wonder if I’ll ever get the cleaning caught up. I haven’t yet.
You all have a good one…
MS wastes him away
It’s been a while since I’ve seen The Curmudgeon’s bare legs. When did they get so skinny and weak? Since when have I been married to a ninety-year-old man? Those of you who know him and haven’t seen him for a while would notice how bad he looks.
He doesn’t get around well these days although he’s still on a cane more than his walker. His face shows more age now than it did a year ago. Even his voice has aged drastically. I tell him he needs to use the weights we have to get some muscle tone back into his legs and arms, but he ignores me.
At least Lucy gets him moving a bit more. She will bug him to play with her with the Kong until he throws it for her several times.
Sometimes they are born to it
So it seems that Gemmie has decided to take care of The Curmudgeon. She always has one eye on him and if he is distressed, she lets me know. She seems a natural.
Gavin is perfectly happy to let her too. He’s my baby and barely gives The Curmudgeon the time of day unless he happens to have food. Then The Curmudgeon is GOD, because he’s a soft touch.
I’ve put the bench out under the tulip poplar so The Curmudgeon can sit down when he takes the dogs out. We sure do miss his cart. He could run them and tire them out. I wish we could afford to get him another one but they are so expensive and we’ve two loans to pay on. Maybe once we pay off the loans, we can get him another mobility cart.
One of my favorite pictures of The Curmudgeon with his Miss Patty.
Fried brain
It seems that not enough has happened this past week so The Curmudgeon had to go overboard. He didn’t tell me he fell again the other day and smashed his ribs into the side board of his bed. Well, he did. Yep, looks like he cracked a couple of ribs again. Worse thing is he’s come down with a bit of a cough with it. Uh huh, that hurts.
His moans and groans are epic and I swear Gavin mimics him once in a while to garner attention. Thank goodness for bedtime around here, a time where I get a little break in the chaos, unless The Curmudgeon can’t fall to sleep, then the chaos continues.
I long for a day of silence. Not complete ear ringing silence, but the silence you find at a beach when you are the only one there, or in the woods in the early evening.
I don’t want a running commentary of what is playing on TV. I am in the same room and trying to do something not pertaining to the TV. Please don’t tell me about that stupid commercial for the four hundred and thirty-seventh time.
By the end of the day my brain is fried into a crispy non-functioning pile of cells. You all have a good day.
Getting ready for the Pennwriters conference again!
I didn’t go last year because Pittsburgh seemed too far away from The Curmudgeon when he was doing so poorly. Lancaster is much closer to home so I feel safe in going this year.
I had to buy new clothes, I haven’t lost any weight, rather I gained even more. That sucks. My doctor says it is the medications I’m on that aren’t helping me with weight loss. Duh Doc. However, with the stent, the high blood pressure from stress, and all it isn’t safe for me to stop taking them. I might be able to stop taking them if I lost weight and could cut my stress levels down. Oh, ya think?? WTF do you think I have been trying to do? Vicious cycle.
Yeah, cut my stress levels down. Surely you jest? You try living with The Curmudgeon. I love the man but his MS is a stress level mine field. From one day to the next, we have no idea how bad his day will be. I haven’t had a break in two years.
I know I won’t go to Pittsburgh next year, but I think G and I might try for four days at a beach somewhere. I can’t go two years without a break again. If I hit the lottery, I think I’ll set up a MS caregivers vacation timeshare somewhere.
You all have a good one!
I wish I knew who took this photo so I could credit them.
I didn’t take this picture.
The bright and dark sides
On the bright side, I had a lovely lunch with a Facebook friend yesterday. It’s so nice to meet up and truly enjoy someone’s company. The pups love company and were very happy to meet her too. I think they would have skipped their naps for her. 😉
On the dark side, we got the results from The Curmudgeon’s MRIs and even though they don’t show any new lesions (good news), they do show that the lesions he already had are worse.
We have no idea what is looming but we can only keep moving forward.
If you’re in the area, stop on in. The Curmudgeon could use a bit of cheering up.
You all have a good one!
Doggonedmysteries 