Some days even good company and fun at the mall can’t chase away the darkness.

The Curmudgeon worried me last night. He’d taken his bed time medications and remained downstairs for a half hour afterwards.

I don’t like when he does that. He gets a bit incoherent and slurs his speech. Of course, that’s when he wants to carry on a conversation and gets frustrated with me for not understanding him.

I repeatedly tell him to go to bed.

Once he goes up, well..that’s when the tears start. I mourn him every day and each day it gets harder to watch him fall apart a little more.

Time moves faster… No kidding, it does. I can’t believe it is already August! July flew past.

Last night I sat at the table getting The Curmudgeon’s month worth of medications set up for August. So very glad I bought the monthly system for his pills. It saves me so much time, effort, and energy every month. Amazon carries it if you want one too. It also has a clock you can set to remind you to take your pills up to four different times a day–you have to buy it separately though.

Cognitive troubles.

No fun at all.

They don’t tell you how they creep up and then BAM! They hit you with their best shot.

There are days when I wish I could leave, but who would take care of him then?

Would they know when his brain was not all there?

I am tired of telling him to speak up, he does a lot of mumbling and sometimes speaks barely above a whisper and yet I am supposed to hear him.

Right …hear him over the blasting TV that he has to blast to hear because the rude neighbors across the street play music so loud it shakes the house.

They don’t tell you how mean spirited a person can get.

It’s frustrating, heartbreaking, and way more stressful than anyone should have to put up with.

I am one lottery win away from running.

Today’s Tee shirt

Both mentally and physically, being my husband’s caregiver, is exhausting.

I haven’t had a solid 6 hour night’s sleep since October. Mind you I said 6 and meant 6 because the most I seem to get is 4 or 5.

I’d be thrilled with 6, ecstatic with 8.

My back is in constant pain from helping him up from the floor when he insists I don’t ‘need’ to get help.

I just spent an entire hour putting this month’s worth of his medications together.

Yep, my back is killing me now.

I haven’t had a break from this in three years. I am very, very tired.

I am holding on to my sanity by a thread.

If I hit the lottery you will not hear from me for a while.

I will have …Permanently.

Sitting here watching the British comedy ‘As Time Goes By’ when in the final scene Jean and Lionel slow dance.

It made me cry.

Why?

Because it’s one thing I truly miss. The Curmudgeon and I used to dance together a lot.

Now he can’t get around without a rollator. No more dances for us.

So we had a fairly uneventful week, which for The Curmudgeon, is a very good thing.

Uneventful, what a nice concept. We sure do need more uneventful weeks.

Uneventful, means no ambulance rides. No nasty falls. Nothing.

He hasn’t missed a medication since I bought his fancy pill caddy. I fill it once a month and he’s good. It is so much easier on both of us. I only have to remember to fill my pill case weekly. 🙂

Well, if all the other problems The Curmudgeon has weren’t enough, now we have to worry about his kidneys.

He goes to his neurologist on Monday and to our family physician on Tuesday.

It looks like they will send him to a nephrologist.

Oh, and it’s still raining.

Yesterday it was The Curmudgeon’s turn.

I ran him over to St. Luke’s West to get a blood test. He has a neurologist appointment on Monday and they need the blood test done beforehand.

We were going to do it on the way home from there last time but he wasn’t feeling well and wanted to get home quick.

Then he managed to forget about it and not remind me he needed one until this week.

*Headdesk*

Ever unpredictable is the life of a person with secondary MS.

Since his five hospitalizations from October to February, The Curmudgeon’s health has not bounced back to where he was in September, which wasn’t the greatest, but was better than he is now.

Since October I’ve slept on the couch because he used to take care of the dogs in the mornings and can’t do it now. Heck, now I feel like he’s having a great day when he can take care of himself and I’m not hurting my back picking him up off the floor.

Since October I haven’t had near enough sleep. However, I find that I seldom can fall asleep before four a.m. no matter how little sleep I had the night/day before.

The dogs don’t care, they tend to wake me sometimes before six a.m. and once in a while they let me sleep until ten thirty a.m.

I miss my bed. I miss having a true good sleep. And most of all, I miss my sanity, for wherever a lack of sleep is, sanity goes out the window.

An improved day for The Curmudgeon. Thank goodness. He was able to come downstairs for the day.

I don’t think I could have taken two bad days in a row. One day is exhausting enough. I am constantly running up and down the stairs.

At least the pups know when he’s having a bad day. They tend to pay him extra attention when he does come down and seem to take it easy on me.

I am in serious need of a beach vacation.

Today’s Tee.

So yesterday we got another bill that our insurance company should have paid.

Would’ve paid. Ah hah! Did pay!

Had the idiots at the EMS submitted the bill to them. They did and were getting sneaky with us, trying to get a double payment.

I gave them all the information they needed to do so when they drove off with The Curmudgeon.

Now we have to spend the day on the phone with the insurance company and EMS to get this debacle straightened out. He called the insurance company and they called the EMS company and read them the riot act.

I imagine we’ll be getting a whole stack of bills from them… I know we’ll be calling the insurance company a lot.

Sigh.