Category Archives: My blog

A Bulldog’s brief discussion

 

     I have friends who have a female Bulldog.  She is in heat and to prevent a mess in the house they put a pair of men’s bikini briefs on her.  They fit well and stay nicely in place with her tail sticking out—well, you know where. 

     The other day while the dog went out in the yard to do her business, my friend was busy talking to her next door neighbor.  A while later when she was ready to go inside, she called the dog.  Seems the dog was very slow to come, which for her isn’t normal.  This Bulldog will run to her ‘Mommy’ like a shot when called.  My friend called the dog a second time and the dog finally meandered up onto the deck.  Now, a Bulldog’s facial expression is often very difficult to judge because of all the wrinkles.  However, from what I heard, there was no problem telling that the look she shot her ‘Mom’ was one of utter disgust.

     It seems that ‘Mommy dearest’ had forgotten to remove the briefs.  The dog was not happy.  Like a kid in diapers she had a full load in hers and didn’t quite know what to think about it.  Once ‘Mom’ remedied the situation and the little darling got a cookie, all was forgiven.

MOM, do something... this is so NOT right!

MOM, do something... this is so NOT right!

Oh, my aching back!

 

     We had such a sunny and warm day today I couldn’t resist doing some yard work.  I cleaned out the garden surrounding our pond.  Four over loaded wheelbarrows later, I was feeling it in my back and my knees.  It was worth it though, that garden looks a lot better. 

     By this evening, we had clouds and rain again.  We’re getting more rain tomorrow so the rest of the gardens will have to wait.  Down the side of our yard, I have this one-hundred and twenty feet long by four feet wide flower garden that I have to clean out.  Then there’s the twenty feet by three feet garden across the back of the yard and two small circular gardens under the magnolia and tulip poplar trees.  The way I figure it, if we keep getting rain like this, it’ll be sometime in June before I have them up to snuff.

     The magnolia is beginning to bloom and if I ever get around to dragging my camera out, I’ll have some new pictures to post on my pond and garden page.  The pictures I have up don’t show how the privet hedges are gone (I dug them out—all 135 feet of them) nor do they show the new fencing we put in last year.  Sunday is supposed to be sunny again.  If I get the rest of the gardens cleaned out so they look nice, I’ll take pictures.

Family

 

     I’ve lost some important people in my life over the last few years, family members who meant the world to me.  Today, I write about those I have left and those I have chosen, my special family.  They are honest people with good hearts.  They are supportive, loving, and kind.  I am proud to know them.  That said; let me tell you a bit about them.

     Dear Hubby, he loves me despite my faults.  He is my core and my strength.  He always has my back.  He will fight tooth and nail for me when he feels someone has wronged me.  Without him, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. 

     The Aunties, my father’s sisters are my rocks.  They are the bedrock on which I stand when I make decisions.  They are whom I go to when I’m sorrowing, happy, or in need of advice.  These wonderful ladies taught me a good deal over the years.  I love them dearly.

     The Cousins, they are many.  They are my balance and they stop me from becoming full of myself.  They keep my feet on the ground and allow my head to soar in the clouds.  I adore them.

     My friends, some of you I’ve known for many years, others of you are new friendships forged here on line.  You’ve been generous and kind to me and I must say thank you.  You, my friends, you keep my soul nourished.  Love you all.

What happened to…?

 

     My old dryer had an ‘I’m done’ buzzer that you could hear three blocks away, which was a good thing since my washer and dryer reside in the basement.  A couple of years back said dryer croaked for good and went to appliance heaven.  My new dryer, although more efficient, is lacking the buzzer, it has a teensy anemic chime.  Very cute for those of you who have a dryer in a laundry room, just off the bedroom, but my dryer is in the frigging basement.  That cute widdle chime isn’t audible from ten feet away much less, from another floor. 

     I miss my buzzer.  Too often, I forget I have something in the dryer, and by the time I remember, everything is a wrinkled mess.  To set the record straight, no, I don’t iron.  I hate to iron.  I do believe my iron is gathering dust somewhere on the back porch.  There’s a remove wrinkle cycle on the dryer for a reason.

     Manufacturers tend to cater to the rich or near rich.  I am of neither category.  Would it be too much to ask that when they put those anemic chimes in appliances they also add a button or two giving people the choice of say, foghorn, siren, or klaxon?

     The dogs have refused to learn to ‘speak’ when the chime chimes, dag nabbit. 

More handy reference books for the writer’s library

 

     Along with the requisite Strunk and White, there are a few other handy dandy reference books to have on hand…or not. 

     There’s The Writer’s Digest Flip Dictionary, by Barbara Ann Kipfer “For when you know what you want to say but can’t think of the word.”  Gee, I wish it came in a pocket edition I’m always grasping for words.  It never fails, I know what I want to say, but the word beats a hasty retreat to the back of brain and screams, “neener, neener, neener you’ll never find me!”

     The Writer’s Little Instruction Book, 385 Secrets for Writing Well & Getting Published, by Paul Raymond Martin is a compact little paperback filled with little sayings and quotations.  This book has been grist for one or two of my posts.  Someone gave the book to me, and I have to say that I’m glad I didn’t pay for it.

     Dynamic Characters by Nancy Kress fits well in any writer’s library.  And, it’s a great one for the novice writer.  I think she’s helped me develop better characters.

     100 words almost everyone confuses & misuses, from the editors of the American Heritage Dictionaries, is a nice book to pair up with your Strunk and White.  (Our former President should have kept one in his pocket at all times.)

If you were a movie, what would your title be?

 

     I’d be Steel Magnolias’ Ice Age The Meltdown.  Dear Hubby says his would be Road to Perdition’s Baitshop.  Our resident loony dog, Gavin would be One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest Look Out Something Wicked This Way Comes.  Patty would be The Last Mimsy Plays Jumanji.

     Dave told me to write about him tonight, so Dave I’m putting you down as Arsenic And Old Lace Meets A Gun, A Car, And A Blonde.  I’m sure you’d rather pick your own title and you are welcome to in the comments.

     I thought of one for one of our cohorts at the PW conferences and I know anyone who knows him will guess who it is by this title—Sin City’s Man of the Year.

     Now dear friends, I’m depending on you to come up with some real humdingers.  So go for it!

Dumb questions

 

     If you don’t want to hear my smartass answer, don’t ask me a dumb question.

     When I took Gavin and Patty for their walks today, a neighbor asked me, “Are you going for a walk?”

     “No, I’m tap dancing and the dogs are going along with it.”

     I staggered from the car to the house with a forty pound bag of dog food slung over my shoulder and someone asked, “Is that heavy?”

     “Nope, I always walk like this.”

     I dragged a few dozen flats of flowers out of car and had them next to the gate ready to take them into the yard when another neighbor asked, “Gonna plant some flowers?”

     “Nah uh, I’m going to toss out the plants and use the dirt for decoration.”

     After watching me spend the day running up and down two flights of stairs doing laundry Monday, tonight Dear Hubby asked me, “Do I have any clean underwear?” 

     “No, I was just carting those laundry baskets around all day on Monday for the fun of it.”

     I’m curled up in my chair, paperback book opened, and I’m very, very quiet.  Dear Hubby asks, “Are you reading?”

     “No, I’m counting pages.”

 

A little bit of this a little bit of that…

 

     Wow, my hits passed the 30,000 mark…Thank you dear readers.

     It almost felt as though winter was tapping us on the shoulder again yesterday.  Today was a bit warmer and tomorrow is supposed to be warmer yet.  At least I should be able to get out to do a little yard work. 

     I took the pups for walks today they both enjoyed meeting and greeting some of the neighbors who happened to be out.  Gavin was shyly sucking up for neck scratches and showed off his paw shaking skills for cookies.  It’s a good thing I’d preloaded my pockets before we went for his walk.  Then I took Patty out.  Gavin will mosey along while Patty wants to keep up a fast pace, places to go, people to see, smells to smell—let’s move it, Mom.  She is more on the boisterous side when it comes to meeting and greeting people.  They love her enthusiasm when she does ‘stick ‘m up’ for them…or rather for the cookies.  Yes, I did fill my pockets again.

     Dear Hubby is so tired.  I do hope they release his mother from the Rehab hospital before I leave for my writers’ conference in mid May.  If not, he’ll probably have to get some help with her dog during the time I’m gone so he doesn’t have to run over there twice a day.  Our two dogs can be enough of a handful for him when he’s not tired.

Adventures in DIY Land…EEKS!!!

 

     Before his MS caught up to him, Dear Hubby had many home improvement projects in the works.  Now he’s unable to do them so we’re stuck with a few unfinished DIY ventures.  Then there’s all the stuff around the house that needs repair work done.  It’s enough to send me screaming off into the wilderness.

     Although I am capable of doing many things, lifting dry wall isn’t one of them, and we have two rooms that need it.  The last time I tried to lift some dry wall panels, I managed to get one about a foot off the ground before my back chimed in, “Are you stupid?  You sat in front of a computer for years and now you want me to help you lift that?  I’ll show you!” 

     OUCH!  I spent the next several days with a heating pad as my best friend.  My second best friend was the muscle relaxant my doctor prescribed. 

     Soon I’ll be climbing a ladder to do all the painting I need to do.  It’s not that easy when you have a fear of heights.  I get halfway up the ladder and my brain hits me with, “You’re going to fall.  Can’t you feel the ladder shaking?  Tell you what.  How about I hit your adrenals get them pumping and start your heart racing a little?”  There’s nothing quite like some cardio work and an adrenalin rush to brighten your day.

I need to get out the camera and the rake

 

     I was out puttering in the garden by the pond today.  The crocus are so gorgeous I should get some pictures of them.  I might wait until the daffodils begin to bloom they are loaded with buds right now.  However, with my luck the crocus will be finished blooming by then. 

     I need to drag out the rake and clear the leaves from all the gardens.  The rhubarb is starting to peek out of the ground so I did clear the leaves away from the plants.  I can’t wait until it is ready to pick, rhubarb custard pie here I come!  All the blueberry bushes are loaded with buds.  I’m relieved I was worried that the bitter cold we had this winter might have killed them.  The yard is greening up and it looks nice. 

     Gavin and Patty have been kicking up their heels in this weather.  The pups have been looking for the squirrels and rabbits to chase but I think the critters wised up and when they hear the back door open, they dash out of the yard.  I had to re-home a small garter snake yesterday.  The snake was heading for the pond, Gavin stepped on it and he didn’t even notice it.  The snake no longer resides in our yard.

     On another note Dear Hubby took the basket I made into his mother today.  She was delighted with it.

MIL update 3/19

 

     Dear Hubby didn’t get out to see his mother today since we were busy taking both hers and our paperwork to HR Block to get the taxes done.  (If you’re reading this Patti, hi!)  Patti is great she’s been doing our taxes for several years now.  I know if it was hubby or me doing them, it’d take forever.  She has both ours and the MIL’s done in no time.

     Yesterday they took another X-ray of MIL’s femur and tomorrow DH should hear what the results were.  I made up a basket with silk flowers, a get well card, and a bunch of wrapped chocolates for her that he’ll take over on Saturday.  She’s stuck in her room with no PT on Saturdays and Sunday so she should enjoy her basket.  I would’ve added books if she was a reader but she’s not.

Okay, I’m certain I’ll get flack over this post but someone has to say it.

 

      P.T. Barnum said, “There’s a sucker born every minute.”  He was right.

     Designer dogs are mutts, mixed breeds, mongrels.  I kid you not.  Only a few years ago, those “designer dogs” were the dogs people gave away.  Yes, you heard me right they were free.  If you’ve paid more than a hundred dollars at most, you’ve been taken to the cleaners.  Did you know that by endorsing designer dogs you are aiding puppy mills by turning them into a VERY lucrative business?  Because now they can breed mutts, ask a ridiculous price for them, and they answer to no one.  At least with registered purebred dogs they had to answer to national and international registries.

     Granted they can be cute, but muddling up purebred lines will do nothing more than, in the future, give you dogs that have no distinct characteristics.  They will all look like the feral dogs you find in third world countries.  The excuse that designer dogs are healthier is not true.  Reputable breeders of purebred dogs do their utmost to make sure their dogs are healthy and that their temperaments are only the very best.  Mind you, I said REPUTABLE!