When Dear Hubby worked patrol he had an agreement with his partner, he’d take all the bat calls if his partner took the bee calls.  DH hated bees and his partner had a phobia about bats.  I later found out his partner wasn’t the only cop afraid of bats.

     One night while Dear Hubby was working the night shift we had a bat in the house.  I’m not afraid of bats but I don’t like them flying about in my living room low enough to dodge the ceiling fans but high enough to make the dogs go crazy.  Dear Hubby was at work, the dogs were going ape shit, and I couldn’t catch the darned thing.  I called DH and he told me to call the local PD, so I did.  

     A young rookie showed up at my door and when I explained the problem he seemed all business.  He checked out the first floor, no bat.  He went to climb the stairs to the second floor with me behind him, but his courage was rapidly failing him.  I knew I was better off without his help when he stopped midway up the stairs and turned to me to say, “You better not stay behind me, ’cause if the darned thing flies at me I’ll probably run you over.” 

     At that point I told him he might as well leave I’d handle it myself.  He was out the door and gone before the last word left my mouth.  So there I was alone with the bat and two dogs that I’d safely crated to keep them out of my way.  I dimmed the lights on the first floor, picked up a tennis racket, and proceeded to turn on every light on the second floor.  Yeah, he flew downstairs.  Then the bat flew from living room to kitchen three or four times, before I managed to bonk him with the tennis racket.  I’ve done it before and I am able to hit lightly enough only to stun them.  I quickly scooped him up and gently deposited him outside.

     I called DH.  “Fat lot of good it does to have a cop who is terrified of bats show up on a bat call.”

     “Did he get the bat?”

     “Hell, no.  The poor rookie was shaking in his boots so bad I sent him on his way.  Took me about ten minutes but I got the bat.”

     Another bat round up where a badminton racket came in handy was at my sister’s house.  We were seated in her living room when out of the corner of my eye I saw a bat flutter in from the kitchen, through the living room, dining room, and back to the kitchen.  I calmly mentioned this not realizing what a commotion it would cause.

     My mother screamed and threw an afghan over her head.  My sister shrieked and threw herself onto the floor.  My brother-in-law screeched like a girl and vanished.

     I trotted to the kitchen, retrieved a badminton racket we’d played with earlier in the day and waited for the bat to make the circuit.  Bonk.  I picked the bat up in a paper bag.  When I went to go out onto the back porch with the bat, I found my brother-in-law.  He was on the other side of the door holding it closed.

     I held up the bag.  “It’s safe now.  The bat is in here.”  To prove it the bat began to move in the bag.

     My brother-in-law squealed and ran for the living room.

     I went outside and released the bat but I was giggling so bad it took me about five minutes to compose myself before I went back in.