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Misery loves company
Posted by doggonedmysteries
Today Dear Hubby is off to the oral surgeon. I get to go along because I’m his designated driver. This is going to be fun—NOT. For one thing, as I stated in an earlier post, dentists are a phobia with him and oral surgeons are worse. I can sympathize with him since I’ve had four impacted wisdom teeth removed and two others. However, neither dentist nor oral surgeons bother me.
I do dread the next week or so since men are such babies when they are feeling miserable. When I had my wisdom teeth out, I spent two whole days being miserable and then cooked meals, cleaned the house, did dishes, and went back to work. The last time DH had teeth removed he was down and out for at least a week.
All I can say is thank heavens these are the last of his teeth. I’d be willing to take bets that he’ll be feeling a darned sight better once they are gone than he has in a long while too.
Posted in Misc, MS related
Tags: Author, Beads, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Coffee, Craft of writing, Dead, Disability, Doggoned, Family, Fiction, Healthcare, Home, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Writer, Writing
Is that character TSTL?
Posted by doggonedmysteries
She’s too stupid to live. Have you ever read a book or watched a movie or TV program and thought that? I have. Heaven help me, I hope I never hear that about my characters.
There are horror and mystery flicks where you can’t help but scream at the screen things like, “Don’t go in there! Don’t open that door, stupid! Are you nuts? Don’t separate—stay together. You don’t have a gun, you aren’t combat trained, so why the hell are you sneaking around looking in places you shouldn’t be? How dumb can you get?”
Sound familiar? Okay, you might not do it, but I do that all the time. Not surprising that Dear Hubby gets exasperated with me at times. It’s also no wonder that I don’t go out to the movies often.
If I’m reading a good mystery and the smart, sassy, strong, female character suddenly pulls a TSTL move, I want to throw the book at the wall. Now you know why I have a couple of non-writing readers go over my books. They are the ones who tell me if my character does something in the TSTL range. My critiquing partners will too but sometimes they miss a TSTL moment because they are looking at other glaring mistakes.
Tags: Author, Beads, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Coffee, comedy, Craft of writing, Crafts, Dead, Disability, Doggoned, Family, Fiction, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Writer, Writing
I haven’t a clue
Posted by doggonedmysteries
Wait, I know. It was Colonel Mustard in the conservatory with the candlestick. No, that’s not it.
When I sat down to my computer tonight, I had no clue what I was going to write about, but then I usually don’t. I set a goal to write an average of two hundred words a day on this blog when I started it. Some nights I write more, some less, but it does average out in the end. Why did I set this goal? I had to prove to myself that I could do it.
This blog is a journey, a discovery of who I am. It is where I let off steam, play, and sometimes drive myself ‘round the bend. Yes, I admit it. It is a short drive—hardly a revolution of the wheels.
What I’ve found is that I can succeed at what I put my mind to. Good news for me because I want my books finished, published, and enjoyed by all. This is my mind set.
In addition to writing this blog, I work on my books. The writing of them isn’t easy because life often interferes but I will write them.
Posted in Misc, My blog, My books, Writer, Writing
Tags: Author, Beads, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Coffee, comedy, Craft of writing, Crafts, Dead, Disability, Doggoned, Family, Fiction, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Writer, Writing
You woke me for this?
Posted by doggonedmysteries
All day long, the dogs wanted to go out, come in, go out, come in…well, you get the idea. If it weren’t for the fact that I never let the dogs out without one of us with them I’d put in a damned doggie door. As usual, around seven tonight, they both conked out.
The rest of evening, they snored their heads off. That is until it began to rain around eleven and Gavin decided he needed to go again. I do think he regretted the whole idea when I opened the door and he saw it was pouring outside. He backed up and headed towards the kitchen door.
“No, no, no you wanted to go out so now you will go.” I gently booted him out. He sighed, dashed outside, squatted (yes, he still squats half the time) and then he dashed back in to his crate and waited for a cookie. Within minutes, he was sound asleep again.
Since I took one out, I figured the other should go too. I opened the door on Patty’s crate. She did not open her eyes, lift her head, or twitch an ear, or anything else. She was zonked. I wasn’t going to give up I shook her. She lifted her head and gave me the look. The ‘what the hell do you want?’ look.
“Come on. Time to go out.”
She sloooowly climbed to her feet, stretched the back end, and then stretched the front end. Patty doesn’t hurry unless she wants to.
I walked her to the back door, opened it, and she gave me a look that would wither any normal person in their tracks. I never said I was normal.
“Out. Go pee.”
If she were taller, had hands, and could talk I think I would’ve been grabbed by the shirt collar as she said, “You woke me for this?”
I have a sneaking feeling that she’ll appear on my bed early in the morning to bounce around and wake me, ‘just for ‘cause.’
Posted in Dog related
Tags: Author, Beads, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Coffee, comedy, Craft of writing, Crafts, Dead, Disability, Dog humor, Doggoned, Dogs, Family, Fiction, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Pet humor, Pets, Rescue Dogs, Writer, Writing
More Halloween 2009
Posted by doggonedmysteries
A Spirit Halloween store is only two doors down from Borders, and irresistible. Again today, I wandered into the world of Halloween props, costumes, and fun after meeting with my critiquing group at Borders. The clerks in SH now recognize and greet me by name—yes, I’ve been in there a few times since they opened.
It’s not because I spend large amounts of money in the store (because I don’t) that I made an impression with the clerks, it’s because I joke around with them. How can I not? They are an enjoyable group of people. Today we talked about how to decorate a haunted house, what props I have, what ones would work best, and how they’ve decorated their own homes over the years.
Most of us are in the same coffin, a lowly zombie’s budget with a regal vampire’s taste. It’s a good thing we are imaginative and inventive and have a few good props among the cheap ones. The least expensive but most labor intensive are the carved pumpkins.
However, with my tiny porch I’m running out of room for them. And did I mention the pumpkins were labor intensive? To carve them the way G and I do it takes hours and several glasses of wine…
Tags: Author, Beads, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Coffee, comedy, Craft of writing, Crafts, Dead, Disability, Doggoned, Family, Fiction, fun, Halloween, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Trick or Treat, Writer, Writing
Let the Halloween preparations begin…
Posted by doggonedmysteries
“Only you would have a bag full of bloodshot eyeballs and a bubbling, misting cauldron on your kitchen table,” G said as she sat down with her coffee and moved the bag out of her way.
“It’s only twenty three days until Halloween. Here, check out this bag of spider rings Elena sent me.” I handed her said bag to see.
“Cool. What are you going to do with them?”
“Use them for any kids with allergies instead of giving them candy.”
“I want one for my youngest grandson. He’ll love it.”
“You got it. I’ll set a couple aside for him. Now, we need to start figuring out the porch decorations.”
G picked up a pen and began to write on the tablet in front of her. “Haunted house, right?”
“Yep. I need to dig out those old sheets we used to cover the tables we had the props on last year. We can hang them from the porch ceiling and drape down over the windows.” I scratched my head. “Maybe that’ll work. I’ll see what the Halloween store has to offer on Thursday since I’ll be up near there.”
“How many pumpkins will we need?”
“Um, the question is, how many will we be able to carve? My hands about fell off last year.”
“How about we do just one a piece for a change?” G put two pumpkins on the list.
“Works for me. I have a whole bottle of fog juice for the fog machine so we won’t need to get any this year.”
“Did you find your Halloween CD? Remember, last year you had to tear the house apart last minute to find it.”
“It’s on my desk.”
Posted in Holidays
Tags: Author, Beads, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Coffee, comedy, Craft of writing, Crafts, Dead, Disability, Doggoned, Family, Fiction, Halloween, Holidays, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Trick or Treat, Writer, Writing
Fall is here
Posted by doggonedmysteries
Fall has arrived. The leaves are rapidly changing colors and dropping to the ground. I need to get the netting up over the pond soon or I’ll have another huge mess to clean up next spring. I went through it this year and I don’t want to do it again. We do have to raise the netting a bit, so we don’t have the frogs snagging themselves.
I have some PVC pipe to use to construct a framework that I can drape the net over and clip it leaving a 3 to 4 inch space between the bottom of the netting and the ground. That should keep most of the leaves out of the pond and give the frogs free access for as long as they need it.
I took Gavin outside today the air was brisk, the wind moderate, and he was full of himself. The fact is, he was full of himself he didn’t smell, see, notice, or find the dead frog. He walked right past it. No, it wasn’t Goliath. It was a rather large bullfrog but not as big as the worm moocher, Goliath.
However, at the time I didn’t know it wasn’t Goliath because these frogs are seldom active until dusk. Later, I went out to check the pond and quite happily discovered Goliath sitting on the bench rock waiting for me to serve up some worms.
Posted in Dog related, My blog, my garden
Tags: Author, Beads, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Coffee, comedy, Craft of writing, Crafts, Dead, Disability, Dog humor, Doggoned, Dogs, Family, Fiction, Gardening, Gardens, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Pet humor, Pets, Pond, Ponds, Writer, Writing
Buried alive in catalogues
Posted by doggonedmysteries
It would be such a waste if our city didn’t recycle. I struggled to take our paper recycling bin out the curb tonight. Filled to capacity the darned thing is heavy. We put most paper, cardboard, and pasteboard into our blue bins. All the junk mail goes. Sometimes my blue bin can wait for two weeks between recycling nights. However, it seems that this week we had an over abundance of junk mail arrive and it’s not even near an election right now. I pondered this for a while.
Then it hit me. Ah, yes. The bin contained catalogues. It had dozens of catalogues from every imaginable place for every item that exists. Why? “Tis the season and the catalogue storm has only just begun.
We spent far too many hours mining through the Mother-In-Law’s house while she was in the rehab hospital. Therefore, tonight I reminded Dear Hubby to make sure every catalogue she gets hits her bin over the next few months. I do not want to find her buried alive under an avalanche of them some time around Christmas.
Tags: Author, Beads, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Coffee, comedy, Craft of writing, Crafts, Dead, Disability, Doggoned, Elder Care, Family, Fiction, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Recycling, Writer, Writing
Back to a quiet neighborhood?
Posted by doggonedmysteries
It looks as though the front porch and roof construction across the street is finally nearing an end. I’ll be so glad to have the peace and quiet back. From the time the work began, the workers have kept a radio blasting and they start a little after seven in the morning. The work itself isn’t quiet. All of this takes place below my bedroom window. I am somewhat sleep deprived and cranky these days.
I won’t miss the sounds of hammers, saws, cement trucks, wood tossed into dumpsters, the loud radio, and the yelling. I won’t miss the cars of the workers parked everywhere, nor will I miss the honking horns of them leaving.
Why do people have to honk their car horns for anything other than an emergency? For that matter, why do they blast their music so loud that it not only rattles the windows but the bass levels rattle the entire house? Then again, I was one of those teens who didn’t blast my music to deafening levels. Yep, I was weird.
I’d love to see those cars that have the bass up to sonic boom levels suddenly crumble into teensy pieces of metal or fiberglass leaving the startled driver sitting on a seat in the middle of the road. Mwahahaha! Did I say I was a bit cranky?
Tags: Author, Beads, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Coffee, comedy, Craft of writing, Crafts, Dead, Disability, Doggoned, Family, Fiction, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Writer, Writing
How many ways can you say ‘have sex’ and keep it, uh, clean?
Posted by doggonedmysteries
As writers, we have to come up with various ways to say ‘having sex’ without delving into the use of that four letter word. I mean we COULD use that word BUT then you get editors and readers who don’t like the word and stop reading. We don’t want that! Many of us use that word—I include myself in there, but we use it sparingly in our writing, if at all.
At the May Pennwriters conference, the subject came up when I asked Dave, after reading his works for years, just exactly how many ways he could say it. (Actually, I think I said, “Holy crap, Dave you can write F___ in more ways than anyone I know. Have you ever written them all down in a list? We could have some fun by asking everyone what euphemisms they use.) He often surprises me with his euphemisms. Today he finally got around to sending me a list of fifty three.
Dave’s List
- Bang
- Bed bounce
- Bedroom bolero
- Boff
- Boink
- Bounce the Beauty Rest
- Bump uglies
- Bury his boner
- Condom Cha-cha
- Dip his wick
- Do the nasty
- Futon fandango
- Foxtrot on the futon
- Get laid
- Grope and poke
- Haul his ashes
- Honk his horn
- Hop her bones
- Horizontal hoedown
- Hump
- Lay down lap dance
- Massage his mast
- Mating Macarena
- Mattress mambo
- Nail
- Party on the Posturepedic
- Polka on the Posturepedic
- Poke
- Polish his pole
- Pump
- Pump his pole
- Punch
- Put out
- Quickie
- Ride his rod
- Ride the saddle
- Rock the rack
- Rod rumba
- Screw
- Serta samba
- Shake the Serta
- Slide the salami
- Split her uprights
- Stroking his pole
- Sweat the sheets
- Tangle the sheets
- Tangle toenails
- Toe-to-toe tango
- Trojans tango
- Warming his wick
- Waxing his wick
- Woody massage
- Woody waltz
Now, I’m sure there are plenty of writers and regular people who have other euphemisms. Romance writers probably have a whole dictionary of them. You are welcome to add to the list. I only have 4 rules.
- Keep it fairly clean and no fair using the words sex, F**k, or anything Dave beat you to with his list.
- Please no mentioning the body parts involved by name or vulgar slang terms. I don’t want this blog X-rated.
- I have the right of approval, if I find your list offensive I will edit or delete it.
- Dave and I have the right to appropriate all really, really, good ones for our own use. 😉
Posted in My blog
Tags: Author, Beads, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Coffee, comedy, Craft of writing, Crafts, Dead, Disability, Doggoned, Family, Fiction, Harlequin Romances, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Romance writers, Writer, Writers, Writing, writing romance
Some day Stacy and Clinton will darken my door
Posted by doggonedmysteries
I’m a prime candidate for the show What Not To Wear. I am a fashion moron, a fashionista’s nightmare a slob–I’m not kidding here folks. If it weren’t for my dear friend G, I wouldn’t have a thing to wear that wasn’t a T-shirt, or a sweatshirt with jeans. Most of my jeans are ratty looking and my choice of shirts would make Stacey cringe and Clinton vomit.
As I sat there watching the show tonight (for lack of anything else interesting being on TV) I came to conclusion, that one day, in the future, one of my friends was bound to send my name into the show. If only to watch me embarrass myself in public. Then again, I often embarrass myself in public, so what else is new?
I can disgrace myself in less than a minute. Walk me into a clothing store and watch me have a complete meltdown.
“Clothes? You want me to buy clothes? Are you out of your friggin’ mind?”
On another note…Today marks the one year anniversary of this blog. When I began writing this a year ago I never expected to have as many hits or lovely comments as I’ve had. Thank you dear readers for giving me the encouragement to continue doing this.
Posted in Misc
Tags: Author, Beads, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Coffee, comedy, Craft of writing, Crafts, Dead, Disability, Doggoned, Family, Fashionistas, Fiction, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, shopping, What Not To Wear, Writer, Writing
Procrastination or a necessity?
Posted by doggonedmysteries
I finally got around to clearing my desk of junk. Papers, magazines, old bills, and various other piles of debris landed in the recycling bin. Lo and behold, I found my desk.
Was this another delaying tactic on my part? No, in truth, the desk was in dire need of cleaning. I could’ve written my novel in the dust. The heaps of crap stuff were beginning to block my computer monitor. I can’t write if I can’t see the danged screen now can I. When all that’s left sticking out of the detritus is a keyboard, mouse, and three quarters of a monitor screen, I think it’s time to clean. I could call in Kim and Aggie and have them clean, but I don’t think my house is dirty enough to qualify.
Have you seen those houses they clean on that show? If mine looked that ghastly, I’d burn it down. I certainly wouldn’t allow those two women and a camera crew to come in and film them screeching in horror at the filth.
Does a clean and organized desk make you a better writer? I’m not certain about that yet I’ll let you know.
Posted in Misc, My blog, Writer, Writing
Tags: Author, Beads, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, cleaning, Coffee, comedy, Craft of writing, Crafts, Dead, Disability, Doggoned, Family, Fiction, Home, how clean is your house, Humor, Kim and Aggie, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, what a mess, Writer, Writing
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