Blog Archives

I can’t find my cell phone

 

     I hate cell phones.  In an earlier post I wrote about not wanting to be connected twenty four seven.  Today it’s more about the size of the darned things. 

     Now I’ve lost my billfold and many smaller items in the depths of my purse, but today Dear Hubby lost his cell phone in his pants.  Yep, that’s what I said—in his pants.

     The disembodied voice came from upstairs.  “Honey, I can’t find my cell phone.  Will you look around down there and see if you can find it?”

     “Sure.”  I also checked outside because he had mowed the grass.  “I don’t see it anywhere.  Did you try calling the number?”  Yes, we’ve been through this before.  It’s easier to call the cell phone number than it is to tear up the house looking for the damned thing.

     My disconsolate DH walked downstairs, picked up the cordless phone, and called his cell phone number.

     From somewhere upstairs we could hear it ring.

     “At least you didn’t lose it out in the yard.”

     He glared at me and went upstairs.  A few minutes later I hear, “I can’t find it.”

     I climbed the steps.  He’s sitting on the bed looking puzzled.

     “Dial it again.”

     He does.  I hear the phone’s distinctive ring coming from the foot of the bed where his recently discarded jeans were in a heap. 

     I picked them up.  Yep, they were ringing.  “Found it!”

     “But I looked there.”

     He had but he hadn’t checked the end of the belt that hung inside the pants.

Raising the stakes in our writing

 

     How do we do that?  Gee, I’m glad you asked.

     We give our protagonist a problem at every turn.  It can be a small problem such as a flat tire, or BIG problem such as what to do about that dead body in the middle of the living room.

     Cliffhangers, don’t we all love those?  End your chapters with one that will ensure your readers keep turning the pages.

     There’s the old time honored ticking clock where our protagonist must solve a big problem within a set time frame or there will be dire consequences.  Think about all those suspense movies that you enjoy, they have a deadline.

     Keep raising the tension, releasing it, and raising it again.  You can even do that with the scenery.  Is it night?  Foggy?  Is your hero heading into a mudslide?  You get the idea.

     Make your readers’ hearts pound.  Put your protagonist into so much danger that they catch themselves holding their breath.

Do not try this at home…

 

     Don’t you love when you hear that?  You know some danged fool will try IT, whatever IT is.  Are some people hard wired to do dumb stuff?  Other humans wouldn’t dream of doing those ‘don’t try this at home’ stunts because they have some common sense.

     Ah, there’s the rub.  Where has it gone?  What has happened to common sense, horse sense, practicality, plain old good judgment?  Is it old fashioned?  Is it out of style?  Has it gone the way of good manners and respect for your fellow man or woman?

     Today, on my way to Borders, I watched some young fellows of about twelve years of age riding their bikes.  They were playing a deadly game of tag with cars and trucks out on a major thoroughfare.  Then there were the skateboarding guys who were weaving around cars in the busy parking lot—I almost ran one over when he darted out in front of me.  Hey Mom, was that your kid out there?  I bet he doesn’t pull those stunts anywhere near home because you’d kill him.

I added a new page

     Check out my newly added page ‘The Bull Pen’ I’ve begun to put some pictures of Gavin and Patty there.   As I take new ones I’ll add those too.

     I’d love to get some pictures of them jumping through their Hula Hoops but that’s up to Dear Hubby.  I need him to take them while I put the pups through their paces and since the weather is getting hot he is seldom outside. 

     We’ll try doing a little begging.  Speaking of that, maybe we can get him to snap some pictures of Patty doing her famous stick ’em up routine while we’re at it.

     Later, we might add some pics of our God Puppy, Charlie and our Bulldog friends, Brutus and Diamond.

The dogs are turning into AC sissies

 

     With his MS, Dear Hubby needs to have the air conditioning on as soon as the temperatures begin to climb into the eighties and the humidity begins.  The dogs don’t need it.  However, Patty and Gavin have decided that they LOVE being cool and comfy.  No, these dogs aren’t spoiled…much.  When it’s hot outside, they don’t want to stay out in the yard with me, they want to be inside with DH. 

     If it is humid and hot, they won’t go out unless they HAVE TO GO.  It’s not as though they have heavy, long, or thick coats.  These two have short coats.  You would think I was dragging them to their deaths to watch them.  Patty will make a circuit or two around the yard and then she’ll stand at the back door begging me to take her back into the cool.  Gavin is worse.  He’ll go out into the yard as few steps as possible to squat and pee.  Why lift a leg when to find something to lift it on would mean walking across the yard. 

     DH’s need for AC has turned these two dogs into sissies. 

     “What do you mean go out there in the heat?  We might melt!” 

     Wimps.

Books, an addiction, or a love affair with words?

 

     I recently purged my library of paperback books.  I kept my favorites, books I hope to get autographed one day, and my autographed copies.  I gave away a large number of books.  I still have tons.  What’s a book nut to do?  I love books. 

     Is there a book lovers anonymous?  I can picture this now.  I sit down with my fellow book addicts and slug back coffee after coffee, while listening to others tell their tales of addiction.  Then it’s my turn to stand up.

     “Hello my name is M and I’m a book addict.” 

     “Hi, M!”

     I can’t go to a conference and  come home without books.  I can’t walk into a book store and leave without buying at least one book.  I devour books, sometimes reading two in a day.  I’m so far ahead of our local library’s newest acquisitions they should ask me what’s new.

     I take pleasure in a great turn of phrase, an imaginative simile, a good joke, a skillful mystery, a story that paints a vivid picture with words.  Maybe it’s not an addiction to books but a love affair with words.

Big city wild critters

 

     Wild critters wander this big city at night.  At least they do around my neighborhood.  Tonight I had a skunk trot along behind me as I walked into my back porch.  You’d better believe I closed the door quick.  He was within two feet of me.  I’m so glad he didn’t spook and spray.  That would not have been fun.  The dogs would’ve barked at me for days.  Dear Hubby would’ve laughed his assets off while handing me tomato juice and a bucket.  I would’ve been mad as hell because I’m wearing my best jeans.

     A couple of weeks ago a neighbor had to kill an opossum who had somehow managed to get his teeth stuck in the wire fencing that’s beside their house.  The critter was truly stuck.  He didn’t want to kill it but there was no way he could free it easily.  As it was, he had to cut the fencing to get the critter off it. 

     We’ve seen deer, raccoons, and hawks of all sorts, tons of rabbits and squirrels, ducks, Canadian geese, wild turkeys and even a pheasant or two near our home.  DH says that when he was a child they had foxes roaming about.  I think the only wild critter we haven’t seen in our neighborhood is a bear.  We are NOT out in the country.  We are smack dab in the center of Pennsylvania’s third largest city.

Evolving into a water creature

 

     I may be a Pisces but I don’t want to turn into a fish.  When I woke up today, I thought I saw the beginnings of webs growing between my toes.  I checked myself in the mirror for fear I may have some rudimentary gills erupting too.  Is that moss covering my north side?  Am I growing mold?  Scifi or Darwin?  You decide.  All I know is, I want at least a week straight of sunny weather.

     Since April, we’ve had 43 days of rain.  Yes, I said 43 days of rain.  It’s no wonder my yard is a swamp.  When we actually do have a day of sun everybody stops, looks at the sky, and wonders if we should make a sacrifice to Ra.  I forget what does the sky look like without clouds?

     Farmers around here are worried that we are getting too much rain.  I know if we had more sun I might have more green tomatoes on my plants but with all the rain a lot of the blossoms have dropped off the plants.  I’m glad that some tomatoes had time to set, but at this sunless rate, they may never ripen.

No nip, tuck, Lasik, or Botox for me

 

     It seems that most of the commercials on TV are to promote remedies for growing older.  Some are surgical and others for make up to cover up.  What’s so gosh darned wrong with showing your age?  There’s beauty in those crows feet and laugh lines.  There’s experience behind them, joys and sorrows that only come with growing older.

     Yeah, without my glasses I’m as blind as a bat.  I know several people who have had Lasik done and of them only one who didn’t have any problems afterwards.  I think I’ll keep my glasses.  Sure, I could have a tummy tuck, my boobs made perky, and lift my face but I’m happy with me as I am. 

     Botox my forehead?  No thanks.  I’ll keep my wrinkles.  I’ve earned them.  I want to be able move my eyebrows and show some expression.  You can’t do a Groucho Marks imitation if you can’t move your eyebrows.  Egads, I’ve seen those Botoxed faces and frankly, they scare the hell out of me.  Shades of the Stepford Wives.  I don’t want to be a Pod Person.

We’re getting close to breaking a record

 

     In June of 1947, a record was set here; 18 inches of rain fell that month.  As of earlier this evening, before it began to pour down by the buckets again, we had 13 inches of rain.  The month is barely halfway over.  At this rate, we’ll be setting a brand new record and I’ll be building that Ark I mentioned in a recent post.

     I have a bag of grass seed I’d like to spread over a few thin areas of grass in the yard, but I can’t, it’ll all wash away and my next door neighbor will have my lush lawn, not that she wouldn’t appreciate it.  Heck, she’d probably dance for joy.  After all, she has all the rich soil from the old vegetable garden that used to be on that side of my yard.  Over the years, it’s managed to wander out of my yard and move to hers, leaving us behind, so why not my grass seed too.

     Now I think I’ll go measure and saw a cubit or two of gopher wood, gather up some nails, locate some canvas, and find a hammer.  Happy sailing everyone.

Someone stole summer

 

     It is 51 degrees outside right now and it was only in the mid 60’s today.  For heaven’s sake, it’s June!  Who stole the summer weather?  Where has the warm weather gone?  Global warming?  Not here.  It’s more like Global cooling.  This has to be the coolest, wettest June we’ve ever had.  Normally we are running our air conditioners at this time of year because it’s too hot for Dear Hubby without them.

     Our electric bill should be nice without the use of the AC.  But, gosh darn it I want to sit outside in the evening without the need for a light jacket or an umbrella.  I like summer.  I enjoy sitting out by the pond at night. 

     I was talking to one of my cousins the other night.  He says that they are (in Upper Western NY State) having mosquito problems this year.  He told me he just came into the house from the horse pasture and had to walk through clouds of over-sized bloodsuckers.  I must remember to pack my mosquito repellent when I go visit them.  And from the way it sounds, I’ll need the giant economy sized container. 

     You know you’re dating yourself when you can remember playing in the DDT spray when the mosquito sprayers came through.  Yeah, it’s a wonder that our generation survived.

Mindless Monday

 

     I think I’ve lost my mind.  Sometime while I was getting the dinner dishes done, cleaning Gavin’s ears, thinking about my dentist appointment tomorrow afternoon, and trying to figure out what to post tonight, my mind wandered off by itself and hasn’t returned.  I’m betting it’s going to be one of THOSE days when I wake up.

     We had sun so I worked in the yard again.  The ground is so wet that it made weed pulling easy.  We had such a pounding rain last night that I had to tie up some of my flowers and trim others back.  My Cranesbill was completely flattened and looked as though someone had placed an anvil on it.  I had to trim that way back.  I was glad I’d taken the time to trim back my huge baby breath plant a week ago or it would’ve been flattened too.

     If it rains tomorrow, I think I’ll curl up with a good book after I get home from the dentist and relax.