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A couple of diet funnies for those of us trying to lose the fluffy we gained

how is diet going for you smokin hot

More fairy tale

     With the dawn’s light, they both awakened.  McDougal stretched and led his mistress outside to a nearby stream to drink and for her to wash.  Cragger stoked the fire and readied a meal.  It would seem to an outsider that they had done this forever they looked so comfortable with the routine. 

     McDougal surprised them by catching three trout.  He would pounce in the stream, his head disappearing under the water, and reappearing with a trout in his jaws that he would drop on the bank next to his mistress’s feet.  She promptly set to cleaning the fish using a small blade that Cragger gave her to replace the crystal one he now had in his keeping.

     Cragger had oats boiling over the fire and raised an eyebrow at their fortunate addition to their breakfast.  “You caught these?”  He asked as he took them from Mavelle’s hands to cook.

     “Not me, McDougal.”  She laughed when Cragger turned to stare at the dog who sat nearby wagging his tail.

     “Handy creature, this giant of a hound.”

     “You have no idea how handy he is.  This one was trained for war from birth with the rest of his litter.  Unfortunately, for my father’s trainer, McDougal prefers to be with me.”  She threw her arms around the dog’s neck.  “He’s my baby.”

All the better to play indoors

Oh, such cold weather…none of us wanted to go out for any longer than necessary.

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For sale…oh yeah, I still have them.

     I know what I’ll be doing some days this Spring or Summer.  I’ll be hunting down antique shops and flea markets where I might find someone interested in these dishes and several other items I still have here taking up valuable space.  The Curmudgeon and I have no use for them, we’d rather have more room.

     I have a small house and very little storage space.  I am tired of tripping over these things or having to move them around all the time.

     If you are interested, please leave your contact information in the comments.

     You all have a good one.

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Fair weather dogs.

     Will the cold and wet weather never cease?  Yesterday we managed to have snow, sleet, and rain.  The dogs were not happy campers.  They like sunshine and warm.  They take after me.  😀

     Today our high will be 30 degrees and our low 18.  Wind chills will drop that even more.  Yikes! 

     I can see the dogs now.  Patty will hold it until her bladder reaches almost bursting level before she asks to go out.  Gavin will still want out every five minutes.  Therefore, both dogs will go out often, because if one goes the other goes. 

     I am not putting on my jacket and taking one out without the other going too.  I have done the take one out, come in, other one not in sight, remove jacket, settle comfortably, and then the other one rings the bells to go out.

     Not going to happen.  If one goes so will the other.

 

There will be no 2013 Pennwriters conference for me.

To all my Pennwriters friends… I will not be attending the Pennwriters conference this year.

The Curmudgeon’s tests have shown that he is having some seizure activity and he is not allowed to drive for a while. I do not feel as though I can go that far away from home for that long now.

Just think, I won’t be there to win baskets this year. However, this also means I won’t be there to donate my usual number of them either. I will miss you all very much. Please snag extra handouts, take copious notes, and send me copies!!!

I am crushed, heartbroken, devastated, and I will miss you all very much.

Tax season joke…because we all need to laugh.

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, ‘Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling.

I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.’

I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,’ says

Grandpa. ‘How about a demonstration?’

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, ‘Okay. Go ahead.’

Grandpa says, ‘I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.’

The auditor thinks a moment and says, ‘It’s a bet.’

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor’s jaw drops.

Grandpa says, ‘Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.’

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

‘Want to go double or nothing?’ Grandpa asks ‘I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.’

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa’s attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

‘Are you okay?’ the auditor asks.

‘Not really,’ says the attorney. ‘This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and you’d be happy about it.’

     You all have a good one!

My two therapists

     I do wish I’d grabbed my camera yesterday when The Curmudgeon’s friend showed up.  Gavin and Patty were so excited to see him I thought they’d mow him down.

     When he finally sat down on the couch both dogs took that as an invitation to roughhouse.  He took it in good spirits because he needed doggy attention.  He recently lost both his dogs mere weeks apart.  By the time he left, he’d been thoroughly loved on by my two.  They make good grief counselors.

     We told him to come back any time for a doggy fix because they certainly enjoy the attention. 

     You all have a good one!

The Dogtors are in

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Return of the Fairy Tale

     “My Lady, if you can give me the means to kill him, I will help you.  You have my word.”

     Mavelle opened her pack and pulled out a bundle.  She opened the bundle with great care.  Lifting the crystal knife from its wrappings, she showed it to Cragger.  Its surface glowed, a perfect reflection of the fire that kept them warm.  “I hate to admit that I almost lost this when the troll attacked my sister and her party.  After that, I felt it best put away safely until I could find someone to wield it for me.  I knew I hadn’t the strength to do it myself.”  She handed it to Cragger.

     Cragger turned the blade over in his hand.  “The Griffon’s blade!  I thought it was a myth.  This was lost to History a millennium ago.”

     “That explains why I never heard of it.”

     “My Lady, This blade has struck down Gods and Giants.  It will do against the troll.”  He held the blade in both hands, raised them as in the Goddess blessing, and bowed his head.  “I am honored.”

     “Now sir, you may rest your head in the shelter with me and my companion.  Since he shows me that I am safe with you.”  Mavelle pointed to McDougal who stretched out on his side snored loud enough to rival the thunder overhead.

Ch ch ch changes….

     Today’s sunny weather had me craving Spring something fierce.  I can’t wait to go work in the garden and get walking again.

     I have hopes of making some rather large changes to the yard and garden this year.  The pond is going to have to go, I can’t do the upkeep alone, there were some things The Curmudgeon could do easier than I can and he can do them no longer.  Know anyone in PA who wants some lovely, large Koi?  Have them contact me.

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     I’m hoping to install new stronger, dog-proof fencing between the yards, across the front, and down the alley side.  I want my poor dogs  able to run and play in their yard without me having to hold them on a leash every time they go out. 

     So far here’s what my Spring looks like:

  • Re-home Koi and fill in pond
  •  Find a fencing company
  • Build raised planting beds and patio with pergola

     Looks like I’ll be keeping a certain landscaping company in the money and working my buns off to boot.

     You all have a good one!

EEG is over now we wait…and wait…and wait

     I always wish test results were instant.  I hate waiting for them.  We probably won’t know anything for at least a week. 

     The Curmudgeon could not get home fast enough after they removed all the wires and glue-like crap.  He’d not showered for three days–this is a man who showers at least once a day.  It took three scrubbings for him to get most of the stuff out of his hair.

    He has three patches on his face where the ‘glue’ took off skin.  He’s not thrilled.  I’m disappointed that he wouldn’t let me get a picture of him in his scarf and fancy gauze covered wire braid.  He has no sense of humor sometimes.

     You all have a good one.

You don’z hab a scarf on, we knowz you now!

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More pictures…

I have had a headache for three days now.  Therefore, you are getting more pictures today.

They like MY SPOT on the couch.

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