Blog Archives
Finding my center
What grounds and centers you? For me it’s working in my gardens.
I found some time to do that yesterday. It felt good.
In the back of the yard, I’ve cleared the dead stuff out of the zebra grass, and weeded the lemon balm bed. Later I began weeding the far end of the side garden. Tomorrow I’ll continue there and do some mulching so my hard work doesn’t come undone immediately upon the first heavy rain.
I finished tired, sweaty, and probably a bit more sore than I’d like, but that’s okay because I feel more like me.
Breakfast out
The dogs had me up early yesterday. Again. This time I couldn’t go back to sleep.
When The Curmudgeon came down, I suggested we go out to breakfast. He liked that idea, very unusual for him. He hasn’t liked to eat out for a long time.
I decided to call G and see if she wanted to join us. She did.
We had a delightful breakfast. The Curmudgeon had banana walnut pancakes. G and I both had creamed dried beef on toast with home fries. Yep, we did it again. Same menu choice,
I guess that was why I couldn’t go back to sleep. We were meant to go out.
Scheduled to death
So much running around this week taking The Curmudgeon hither and yon for appointments. I am exhausted and even with nothing scheduled for tomorrow, I have serious doubts anything I need to do around here will be done.
Next week is worse, I have two days where there isn’t something I have to run him to. However, one of those days is a holiday and the other, well, I have an appointment for a much-needed haircut and am accompanying G somewhere immediately afterwards…and yes, we will do lunch too.
I might sneak out early this morning after feeding the dogs and go fishing if the weather is nice enough. Shhhhhh. I need a break.
Cold, hot, cold, hot, cold …make up your freaking mind!
Cold weather again and will stay so until it jumps back into the 80s on Sunday. Not a good thing. All this up and down is driving everyone crazy.
Your body can’t get get used to the temperatures in preparation for summer’s heat.
The Curmudgeon suffers in the heat so at the first sign of it getting over the 80 degree mark, he turns on the AC.
Therefore I roast all winter and freeze all summer inside where I should be able to be the most comfortable.
MS, it’s a long goodbye
Over the last two weeks I’ve felt the tremendous outpouring of love from people all over the world. I appreciate it more than you can imagine.
As a caregiver there are too many times where I feel angry, hateful, and more than a little ready to throw in the towel.
I often feel as though I’ve lost myself somewhere. I’ve lost the person I once was in the pressures and helplessness of everyday life with someone with secondary progressive MS.
I see, each day, how much The Curmudgeon has gone away from me and am often overwhelmed with the desire to run away. To leave him before he goes away so it won’t hurt so much. Because my Dears, the pain of watching and not being able to help is harder than the pain of the guilt that would come with running.
Then, of course, I realize I can’t run. I have no escape, no way to go, no outside income, no one would employ me at my age and lack of a good resume. I must stay and watch him leave me every day, with no ease, no respite, no hope, and only the outpouring of affection from friends to make me take another step forward another day.
If it weren’t for friends and silly dogs, I don’t know where I’d be tomorrow.
Release the Kraken!
Projects…
My roll of 99 feet of crystals arrived but Amazon says it’ll be mid July before the watering can gets here so that artful garden project is on hold for a bit. http://craftsbyamanda.com/2013/09/watering-can-pours-crystals.html
The watering can I have on order:
Now what to do with 99 feet of crystals if the watering can never does get here.
Any ideas?
I laughed
My wonderful Pennwriter friends managed to make me laugh like a fool yesterday.
You have no idea how much I needed to laugh. You managed to bring me something that I badly needed.
You were all a bright spot in an otherwise miserable couple of weeks.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
And to these two co-conspirators–There are no more words I haven’t said, just big hugs.
Sleep Deprivation–not a good thing
With each day that passes I find I am getting less sleep than ever before. It is turning me into a person that I don’t like.
I am cranky, bitchy, mean-spirited, and temperamental.
There isn’t enough coffee in the world to improve my temperament.
I need a vacation.
I need to recharge.
I need a life that actually has some joy and laughter left in it.
Gavin speaks out.
I habs to tell youzall a secwet. Dogtor Fuzzlemenz gibbed me someting I neber had befoah.
She gibbed me mushymewwows! I liked dem!
Da Momma went an boughted me a whole bag ob dem! But she sez I haz ta share dem wiff dat stinkerpotz sissy of minez. Phooey. I gonna be apiggy an eatz az meny az I can.
Poor Gavin
Our poor old boy has always been a nervous wreck at the Vet’s office, in crowds, and in new situations. He’s our worrier, our “thinks too much” dog.
Yesterday he had his six month check up. He doesn’t mind riding in the van as long as when we stop we are at home. We weren’t, we were at the Vet’s office. I left the van running, the AC on, and on the radio/cd/mp3 player some Israel “IZ” Kamakawiwo…
I went inside to let them know we were there.
Shortly after that I went out and got him. He did not want to get out of the car. I had to coax him with a cookie. I swear he blew enough coat to knit another dog while we waited.
“Meany moopants Momma taked me to the dogtor. I don’t likez to go dere eber. I stickz my tongue out at her.”
Numz are good
No PW conference this year for me
So, because of The Curmudgeon’s MS getting worse and his lovely (NOT) hospital stay, I am missing another Pennwriters Conference. When the conference is in Lancaster, it doesn’t worry me to go because if I have to get home, it is not an 8 hour or more drive.
This year the conference is in Pittsburgh and that is why I had to skip it.
It breaks my heart to miss the conference because I can’t be with my writing friends whom I only see there. It will be an entire year more before I get a chance to see all those crazy, fun people.
Stress test
No coffee. OMG! NO COFFEE! My appointment wasn’t until 1 p.m. and I was not to have any coffee beforehand.
Color me cranky and suffering from the sillies from being over tired.
I guess the Techs enjoyed me. As they put in an IV and glued heart monitor patches to my skin, I joked with them, especially about the cruel lack of COFFEE in my system.
I dozed in the machine. Then I huffed and puffed and sweated my way through the test.
I enjoyed it when they presented me with a tall cup of coffee and some cookies AFTER I was all out of breath and my legs were feeling like they were made of burning rubber.
Back to another nap in the machine and then off to home.
Doggonedmysteries 