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More fairy tale

     With the dawn’s light, they both awakened.  McDougal stretched and led his mistress outside to a nearby stream to drink and for her to wash.  Cragger stoked the fire and readied a meal.  It would seem to an outsider that they had done this forever they looked so comfortable with the routine. 

     McDougal surprised them by catching three trout.  He would pounce in the stream, his head disappearing under the water, and reappearing with a trout in his jaws that he would drop on the bank next to his mistress’s feet.  She promptly set to cleaning the fish using a small blade that Cragger gave her to replace the crystal one he now had in his keeping.

     Cragger had oats boiling over the fire and raised an eyebrow at their fortunate addition to their breakfast.  “You caught these?”  He asked as he took them from Mavelle’s hands to cook.

     “Not me, McDougal.”  She laughed when Cragger turned to stare at the dog who sat nearby wagging his tail.

     “Handy creature, this giant of a hound.”

     “You have no idea how handy he is.  This one was trained for war from birth with the rest of his litter.  Unfortunately, for my father’s trainer, McDougal prefers to be with me.”  She threw her arms around the dog’s neck.  “He’s my baby.”

Tax season joke…because we all need to laugh.

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, ‘Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling.

I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.’

I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,’ says

Grandpa. ‘How about a demonstration?’

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, ‘Okay. Go ahead.’

Grandpa says, ‘I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.’

The auditor thinks a moment and says, ‘It’s a bet.’

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor’s jaw drops.

Grandpa says, ‘Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.’

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

‘Want to go double or nothing?’ Grandpa asks ‘I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.’

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa’s attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

‘Are you okay?’ the auditor asks.

‘Not really,’ says the attorney. ‘This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and you’d be happy about it.’

     You all have a good one!

More of the Fairy Tale

     His eyes glowed with tears unshed.  “The Dwarf Council arranged to have a car loaded with explosives blown up at the entrance to the tunnel.  They had warning signs posted so dwarves would never dig there again.  Now centuries later, it must be that man has found the tunnel and released the creature once again.  My people have burdened me with the task of destroying it before he takes more dwarves.  They have no concern over men; they want only that I avenge the deaths of our own.  Come back with him dead or never come home again.  That is what they told me.  I know of no way to kill a rock troll.  Now, tell me your story.”

     “There’s not much to tell other than he stole my younger sister from her bed and my older sister he grabbed while she pursued him.  It is on me to get them back.”

     Cragger lit a pipe and took a long drag on it.  He blew it out in a large cloud.  “I’ve tracked him here.  He seems to like these ruins.”

     “Will you help me?  I will give you the means to kill him if you help me save my sisters.”

     “You’ve a way to kill him?”

     “Yes.  I will show you if you promise me your help.”

Genre fiction, what is your favorite?

     Lately, I’ve been reading a variety of genres.  I am still not fond of Romances, I find that life is never what you wish for, it has rough patches, and romance is seldom anything like one reads in books. 

     I am enjoying some of the new fantasies out there and, of course, most mysteries.  I’ve never liked spy/espionage books.  Don’t know why, but neither the books nor the films intrigue me in the least.  Tried to read a couple, and still don’t like them.

     Not a big fan of hard sci-fi either.  I can’t help it, it’s how I am.

     Now it’s your turn, what do like to read?

Fairy tale returns…

    A large tear rolled down Cragger’s face.  “Grandfather led a group of miners into the mine, the first shift after the decision to mine the one tunnel.  Hours passed and one mine car after another arrived outside loaded with fabulous jewels.  Everyone celebrated their new-found wealth.”

    His hand trembled.  He swiped tears from his eyes, and continued his tale.   “No one knew what to think when the mine cars suddenly stopped coming.  Hours passed and no cars arrived on the surface.  Finally, in the distance, one could hear mine cars approach.  No one expected the sight that met their eyes when the cars exited the mine.”  Cragger’s voice cracked. 

    “Please, stop and drink.”  Mavelle feared what he’d say next and wished to put it off for a few minutes.

    The Dwarf drained his wine-skin, took a few deep breaths, and began to recite his tale of horror.  “Blood, bodies, body parts, none alive.  Not one survivor in the first four cars that reached the surface.  The fifth car was the worst, two of Grandfather’s brother– one alive and broken, the other dead and torn apart.  Grandfather alive, bloodied and half out of his mind pushed the cart the entire way.  He raved about a monster.  A rock troll.  After that day, he swore he’d never enter a mine or any underground again for as long as he lived, and he lived another six hundred and seven years.”

Another installment of the fairy tale

     “Ah, my tale.  It is a tale of danger, heroism, and cowardice and I hope it ends here in these ruins.”  There he paused and seemed to wait for her to comment.

      “Ends here?  How?  Why?”

     “Let me start at the beginning.  Many long ago and far aways, my great, great, great, ever so great-grandfather ran afoul a stone troll.  The very one I have tracked to these ruins.”

     “But, Sir Cragger, I am after the very same troll, he holds my sisters prisoner.”

     “Then it must be by the fates that I was drawn here.  Let me continue my tale and we shall see if it is so.  Grandfather was deep in the family mine digging for gems as we do when he opened a new cavern with the strike of a hammer.  He had no idea there was one behind the wall he’d been hammering on for a lifetime.”  Cragger reached for his pack and drew out a wine skin.  He offered it to Mavelle but she shook her head.

     “No thank you.  Please go on.”

     Cragger drank deep, wiped his mouth on his sleeve, belched, begged her pardon, and continued.  “Grandfather began to mine the new tunnel finding better jewels there than we’d found for centuries in the old mines.  At the end of the shift, he came out of the mine with more quality jewels than our family had seen in a century.  A family council met and the Elders decided to have everyone mine that tunnel.  No one suspected the danger and horror that lurked deep within.”

The tale continues…

     “Hey the tower.”  A voice broke the silence.

     “Who are you?”  Mavelle dug the dagger from under her cloak with her free hand.

     “Name’s Cragger.  I’m a peddler of sorts.  I was looking for shelter when I smelled your smoke.”

     “Come to where I can see you.”  She threw some wood on her dying fire.

     A very small of stature man stepped in front of the cave entrance.  “Are you a Dunningham dwarf?”  She asked.

     Cragger bowed, sweeping his arm out wide.  “One and the same, peddler by trade, I am.”

     “Isn’t that unusual for a mining race?”

     “A bit, but the miners need supplies and trinkets.  My line is a long line of peddlers back thirty-two generations.  If I may come close to your warm fire I will tell you our story.”

     Mavelle gasped.  “My manners, where are my manners?  Certainly Cragger, come warm yourself, and welcome.

     The dwarf entered the narrow cavern and sat near the fire.  “Thank you, after I came across a pack of wolves tearing into those bodies I was afraid to stay in the open.  What do I call you, young lady?”

     Mavelle found it odd that any man would admit a fear but liked that he had.  She warmed to the man.  “Mavelle, call me Mavelle, please.”  With a tentative smile she asked, “What is the story you would tell me?”

Cwazy sort of day…

     I know a few of you were looking forward to another installment of the fairy tale, but after spending a few hours at the neurologist’s office and thereby running behind on everything for the rest of the day yesterday.  I had no time to sit down and do any writing.  I hope to remedy that today.

     On the seventh I have to call into the courthouse to see if I must report for jury duty.  I don’t mind other than I have nothing suitable to wear that fits me.  I actually made it as far as Voir Dire once.  They cut me though.   I guess making the judge, the DA, assistant DA, and the defense attorney crack up doesn’t get you on a jury.  🙂

     Can I help it if they asked me if cops were infallible?  I answered truthfully–Are you kidding me?  I am married to one! 

     This time I am not eager to go.  The Curmudgeon has had some trouble of late and I hate leaving him alone with the pups all day.

You all have a good one!

 

The serial fairy tale…

     “Get back here!”  Sarah screamed at the fleeing soldier. 

     The next thing that happened made Mavelle drop the crystal knife, cover her eyes and wish she had four hands so she could cover her ears too.  The sounds were dreadful.  When she opened her eyes again, she could see Sarah held high above the ground in the three-fingered grip of a stone ogre.  The four soldiers’ bodies torn to bloody pieces and scattered about brought bile to her throat.  Mavelle trembled with dread.

     Sarah’s screams assured Mavelle that her sister still lived.  The Ogre lifted the stone floor, dropped Sarah in the hole beneath it, replaced the floor above Sarah, and stomped off in the opposite direction from Mavelle’s hiding place.

     “Oh, Goddesses.  What can I do to get them out of there?”  She gave a low whistle and within seconds, McDougal was by her side.  His hackles stood on end and he growled deep in his chest.

     “Easy boy.  He’s gone.”  She directed him toward the ruins.  “Find Lovena.  There has to be a way in.”

     They crawled over lichen covered granite and broken marble.  Searching for hours with no luck, she called a halt by the remains of a guard tower.  Within there she found a covered section, not unlike a cave, where they could camp for the night.

     Restless sleep came to her and along with it another vision of her sister Lovena.  This time the vision showed Sarah asleep and Lovena pacing.  “Sister, we know not what he wishes us for but he is vicious.  Hurry, I fear we haven’t long.

     The snap of a branch woke Mavelle with a start.  McDougal was on his feet and growling.  The wee hours of the morning brought with them, no light to see by, she peered into the darkest of dark.  Mavelle clung to McDougal’s collar to keep him close. 

     “Hey the tower.”  A voice broke the silence.

Yes, it’s to be continued again…

     Once she was sure she was out of sight, she relaxed a bit, eased her hold on McDougal’s collar, and let loose with a gut-wrenching groan. 

     “How could she!”  Mavelle raised her hands skyward.  “Is the stone ogre even real?”

     The implications were horrible.  Had Sarah plotted with the soldiers to kidnap Lovena?  Had they faked the ogre?  How does one fake a stone ogre attack?  She knew she should go back to the palace and tell her parents but wondered if they would believe her accusation of her sister.  Besides, if she went back no one would be there to save Lovena.

     “McDougal, you stay here.”  She pulled the crystal knife from her pack, gripping it tightly she crept back to where she could see the ruins, hear what was going on, and yet not be seen. 

     “Dig there.”  Sarah pointed to a section of stone floor in the ruins.  “The entrance should be under there.”

     “What if it comes back?”  One soldier asked.

     “If it comes back we kill it.  It didn’t notice us tracking it.”

     The sound of falling rocks made everyone stop what they were doing and listen.

     “There’s no way to kill one of them.”  The soldier dropped his shovel.  “I’m out of here.”

Once upon a time a long, long time ago…cont’d again

     Mavelle walked to the small window and tried to see in but the glass was thick and opaque.  The strange little window was in a low wall that swerved away from her at an angle and ended under a wide expanse of mangled stone flooring.

     “Not above, behind and not in front.  That makes no sense.”  Mavelle traced the edges of the walls all of them angled away in strange directions.  She picked up a thick branch and began to dig in the soil in front of the window, only to hit solid bedrock.

     McDougal began to growl a deep rumble in the body savage growl.  She stopped what she was doing and listened.  She heard voices and footsteps approaching from the far side of the ruins.  With a hand signal to McDougal for silence, she grabbed his collar, led him to a sheltered spot, and they hid.

     She heard her sister Sarah’s voice and almost broke cover.  That is until she heard what her sister had to say.  “No, you will kill her as I said.  My father will be heartbroken but will still give me the kingdom.  We will have riches and power.”

     Mavelle couldn’t hear the soldier’s reply but didn’t care.  She couldn’t allow her sister’s death.  She had to act fast.  If only I’d brought my bow, she thought.  She backed away from the ruins staying under cover and keeping an eye on where her older sister and the soldiers were.

Once upon a time a long, long time ago…cont’d

     Now the middle princess, Mavelle had a habit of walking through the woods at all hours of the night and she came upon the bloodied, weak, and wailing Crone.

     “Mother, who did this to you?  Let me help you.”  The princess gently aided the Crone to her hut.  She washed and doctored the Crone’s wounds and patiently waited for the old woman to stop sobbing and tell her the story of her cruel treatment.

     When at last she could speak, the Crone told the young princess a tale that she found horrifying.  “Little one, it was your sister.  So cruelly did she treat me that I refused to answer her questions.  For your kindness, I will reward you.

     “Mother, I need no reward, for what I did, anyone would do for one who suffers.”

     “Anyone other than your sister, it seems.  Now listen carefully.  You must travel to the center of the deep forest.  There you will find a cave of stone.  Inside is a dagger of dark crystal, this is the only thing that can kill a stone ogre.  It can pierce his stone heart.

     The princess traveled to the forest accompanied only by her deerhound, Mcdougal.  There she trod softly on bare feet following the deer trails to the center.  It took some time to find the cave and when she did, she easily prized the dark crystal knife from its lair.

     Holding a kerchief of her sister’s in front of her deerhound’s face, she begged her companion to seek her sister.  Fleet of foot, the hound raced ahead of her for many miles only slowing to see if she still followed.

     Finally, the hound halted, he dropped to the ground and whined.  She could no more move him than a mountain.  She sat next to him, pillowed her head on his back, and napped.  As she slept, she dreamed. 

     Her sister, Lovena, beckoned to her and said, “Look below and not above, behind and not in front.  Beware the heart of ice and listen only to one who is true.  Hurry sister.”

     She woke with a start.  “McDougal, we need to hurry.  Find her!”

     Her deerhound sat in place and whined.  He held up one paw and then the other.

     “Here?  She’s here?  But where?”  Mavelle looked around her.  They were in the courtyard of a long abandoned summer home.  Most of the home was in ruins but to her right and below ground level, she saw a small window.  She would’ve missed the window had her sister’s words not echoed in her mind. 

     “How do I get in there?”….More tomorrow.