Blog Archives
Ready set go! It’s another bad pun day!
Posted by doggonedmysteries
Ra-pun-zel, Ra-pun-zel, let down your hair. Come on everyone dust off your favorite puns and let’s have some fun.
There’s a new line of Elvis Presley-themed steakhouses. They are for people who love meat tender.
When you keep burping up that mustard you had on your hot dog it’s Dijon Vu.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank. . . . . proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.
A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p. m. One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, “This isn’t a hazelnut daiquiri!” “No, I’m sorry”, replied the bartender, “it’s a hickory daiquiri, doc.”
Posted in Misc
Tags: Author, bad pun day, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Craft of writing, Dead, Disability, Doggoned, Family, Fiction, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Pun, pun-ditz, Writer, Writing
She wouldn’t trade birthdays with me
Posted by doggonedmysteries
We invited our new neighbor R and her daughter to come over for the post Trick or Treat night dinner at my house. When I found out that R’s daughter (little D) had Halloween for her birthday, I offered to trade birthdays with her but she said no. Darn it.
Little D is now excited to be coming over to a party. Knowing that it is little D’s birthday, G, who normally makes the dessert, is going to make a Halloween themed birthday cake. We’ve been scouring the net for ideas. Maybe our trip to Spirit Halloween this Thursday will give us some more ideas or, at the very least, spooky cake decorations.
I’ve already wrapped a small gift for our special birthday guest. Gee, surprising little D is going make our Trick or Treat night party twice as much fun as it usually is.
I think I’m almost as excited as little D.
I was disappointed to find that there aren’t Halloween birthday cards, only plain old Halloween cards. I’m sure that little D isn’t the only person to have Halloween for their birthday.
Posted in Holidays
Tags: A Halloween birthday, Author, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Craft of writing, Dead, Disability, Doggoned, Family, Fiction, Food, Halloween, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Parties, Trick or Treat, Writer, Writing
Even smoking has gone high tech
Posted by doggonedmysteries
I am a smoker, a pariah in today’s society. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to quit. I hate how the smoke makes my clothes and house smell. I hate that it yellows my teeth and every household surface
However, when your husband chain-smokes and can’t do it outside, quitting is almost impossible. In addition, take away my nicotine and you will meet a crazed Maenad out for blood. One of the times I tried to quit, DH handed me a pack of cigarettes and asked me, “Will you please smoke.” Yeah, the poor man was living in bitch city and it wasn’t pretty.
Last week I purchased an electronic cigarette starter kit online. It arrived yesterday and once I charged it, I took it for a test drive or rather a test smoke. I like it.
DH became curious and tried it. Did he like it? Yes, he did and I ordered one for him tonight.
We may still have the nicotine addiction but at least now, maybe we won’t stand out quite so much.
Check out blucigs.
Posted in Misc
Tags: Addictions, Author, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Cigarette, Craft of writing, Dead, Disability, Doggoned, electronic cigarette, Family, Fiction, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Nicotine, Novel writing, Tobacco, Writer, Writing
Note to self or What did I mean by that?
Posted by doggonedmysteries
You can thank Elena for this post, she posed the question that started it. “I write myself the most fascinating notes. Wonder if other people write themselves mysterious notes?”
Elena you aren’t the only one who does that. I often come across some cryptic missive in my handwriting and have no clue what I meant when I wrote it. Lately I’m finding measurements but for what I have no idea. Windows? Doors? A space for a cabinet?
Don’t get me started on the many Post It’s stuck to manuscript print outs that must’ve made sense at the time. Does anyone have an idea what ‘OP m to NC’ means? That was one of the easier ones to decipher.
It’s a good thing DH doesn’t shop for groceries because he’d never figure out the special shorthand I use for my list. Shr ch, frz sn, sp whl…etc. When he used to do some shopping, I had to write everything out for him including brand names.
How about you, do you write cryptic notes to yourself and then wonder what the hell you meant?
Posted in Misc, Writer, Writing
Tags: Author, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Craft of writing, Dead, Disability, Doggoned, Family, Fiction, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Writer, Writing
Can a dog lick a hole into his stainless steel food dish?
Posted by doggonedmysteries
I dunno but Gavin is certainly making a daily effort to succeed in doing just that. I can always tell when he’s bored because he goes to his empty food dish and licks it.
It’s as if he goes into a trance licking, licking, and licking some more. When I can no longer stand the sound of his tags rattling against the bowl, I tell him, “Dinner isn’t for several hours. Go lie down.” You can almost see him shrug and grin a gotcha.
I do know that dogs can bite holes into stainless steel dishes. This was something I learned at my mentor’s BT kennel. All of her stainless steel dog dishes had teeth marks and holes in them.
Fortunately, my two don’t chew on their dishes. That could be because their dishes fit into stands and they can’t get hold of the edges. I’m sure that both of them would make a game out of throwing the dishes about if they could.
I cringe at the thought of dodging flung dishes or having them crash into the glass of the curio cabinet.
(Normally I mix the posts up a bit, but with more rain all day and night again, the dogs and I were bored.)
Posted in Dog related, Writer, Writing
Tags: Author, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Craft of writing, Dead, Disability, Dog humor, Doggoned, Dogs, Family, Fiction, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Pet humor, Rescue Dogs, Writer, Writing
I won’t grow up
Posted by doggonedmysteries
It doesn’t take a lot to amuse me. DH stops at Mc Donald’s every day to pick up a happy meal breakfast for his mother. Most of the time, we give the toys to G for her grandson, or to my new neighbor across the street for her daughter.
Today I snitched one of the toys. I couldn’t help myself. Who doesn’t want a tiny skateboard to play with? It doesn’t matter to me that it’s a Clone Wars skateboard. What matters is it’s silly and fun to play with.
I’ve added it to my collection of silly things on my desk. I have a Scooby Doo with magnifying glass wind-up toy, a large winged gargoyle, and a skull that has dancing black roses coming out of the top all of which sit on my desk. There are bells, whistles, and even a set of dumbbells within reach. My pencil holder is a gargoyle.
I have a fancy magnifying glass, a magic wand, and a miniature treasure chest that holds my thumb drives. I use Winnie the Pooh pencils and there’s a walking robot pencil sharpener at Amazon.com that I covet.
Posted in Misc, Writer, Writing
Tags: Author, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Craft of writing, Dead, Disability, Doggoned, Family, Fiction, Home, Humor, I still like toys, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Peter Pan has nothing on me, Won't grow up, Writer, Writing
Ice cookies, a doggie treat
Posted by doggonedmysteries
I used to complain about our dogs trying to crawl into the old refrigerator when I opened the door. It was a constant contest to see if I could get things out without the dogs getting in.
Our present refrigerator has the freezer on the bottom. It’s actually a great idea when you have dogs, except if you’ve introduced them to the joys of crunching ice cubes. Now I can’t open my freezer without paying a fee.
They know there are ice cubes in there and they want them. They will ignore dog cookies in favor of ice cubes. Well, at least they will until they finish crunching the ice.
Gavin will pick his up, take it over to the rug in front of the sink, and work on it there. Patty, little miss dainty, will chew hers where you drop it. Gavin crunches his quicker, and always checks to see if Patty has dropped any chips, he can help himself to, she’s getting faster at eating hers and not leaving anything for him.
It would be easier if we had a working icemaker instead of ice cube trays but DH never installed it. It’s still in the box. When we bought the refrigerator, it didn’t have an icemaker and they were going to charge us sixty bucks to install it later. I should’ve paid them the sixty bucks and not listened to DH when he said he could do it. This reminds me, I’d better go fill the ice cube trays.
Posted in Dog related, Writer, Writing
Tags: Author, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Craft of writing, Dead, Disability, Dog humor, Doggoned, Dogs, Family, Fiction, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Pets, Rescue Dogs, Writer, Writing
Juggling books
Posted by doggonedmysteries
We need several rainy days in a row. I have to settle my butt in the house instead of working on getting the house and gardens ready for fall. I have books screaming at me to write them. I’ve only been able to put in a few hours at a time on them. Yes, I did say them three times. I am juggling five now.
(Cue circus music.) Step right up and watch the juggling act. Look at how she keeps five books in the air at once.
It’s a good thing I learned a long time ago to keep character lists, time lines, and plot points available for each book. It would get very confusing without them.
I also learned about keeping storyboards at a conference session done by one of my favorite writers and friend Valarie Malmont. The use of different shaped and colored Post It® notes for plot points, turning points, and other important things makes for a wildly colorful board. I believe I’ve singularly kept the Post It® note company in business. I use tons of them. DH will sometimes present me with new ones when he sees some that are a bit different.
Tags: Author, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Craft of writing, Dead, Disability, Doggoned, Family, Fiction, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Writer, Writing
It’s one a.m.; do you know what your fur babies are doing?
Posted by doggonedmysteries
I know what mine are doing only because I am downstairs with them right now.
Gavin bows in front of her crate. “Come out and play with me.”
Patty turns her back to him and covers her head with a paw. “You are nuts. It’s after one in the morning. Let me sleep.”
“Please, please, please come out of there.”
“Zzzzzzzzzz.”
“You’re no fun.” Gavin goes and rings the go out bells. “C’mon Mom take me out. It’s chilly and I love it.”
“Hold your horses, I’m writing my post for tonight.”
In the kitchen, the bells ring again. Gavin runs to my chair and barks. “Didn’t you hear the bells?”
A moan comes from Patty’s crate. “Take him out so I can sleep will ya?”
“Geez, it never fails does it? I sit down to write and you guys start in.”
“I didn’t do anything. I’m trying to sleep here.” Patty says.
“I want to go out.” Gavin runs to ring the bells again.
“I get it, I get it. I’m coming.” I grab his leash and we go out.
Gavin sniffs over the entire yard, squats to pee a teensy bit, and drags me back to the door. “Ready to go in now.”
“Oh for heaven’s sake.”
Posted in Dog related, Writer, Writing
Tags: Author, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Craft of writing, Dead, Disability, Dog humor, Doggoned, Dogs, Family, Fiction, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Pet humor, Pets, Rescue Dogs, Writer, Writing
What’s black and white and shouldn’t live in the city?
Posted by doggonedmysteries
G’s husband had a ‘have-a-heart’ trap out in their yard the other day. He hoped to catch a stray cat that has been wreaking havoc on the neighborhood garbage bags. He hadn’t baited the trap yet, he planned to do that the next morning around the regular time he’s seen the cat. Much to his surprise when he came out he found he’d caught a small black and white critter.
Yep, he had a skunk in the trap. Now around here no one will trap, retrieve, or even tell you what to do if you catch one. It’s a good thing it wasn’t the first time one of us has caught a skunk. B very carefully draped the trap with two black garbage bags and ever so quietly backed away.
He came over to borrow DH’s cart hauler that goes on the trailer hitch. There was no way he wanted a trapped skunk inside his 4WD with him. He told us later that he gently set the cage on the hauler and carefully strapped it down. Then he drove to an area where the skunk should be happy and released it all the while praying the critter didn’t spray him. B got lucky the skunk toddled off without a backward glance.
Posted in Misc, Writer, Writing
Tags: Author, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Craft of writing, Dead, Disability, Doggoned, Family, Fiction, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Pest control, Writer, Writing
Never take the wife’s car without leaving a note or a message
Posted by doggonedmysteries
Many years ago, I had a gold Toyota Tercel wagon and I loved that car. Then one day someone stole it right out of our driveway. I was devastated. Today, for a few minutes, I thought Casper had gone the same way.
As usual, I woke up, had my coffee, and took the dogs out. The first trip outside with Gavin I didn’t notice Casper wasn’t in the driveway. I knew DH was gone, his truck wasn’t there, but my missing van didn’t register. It didn’t register until I took Patty out. Mind you I’d only had one cup of coffee.
I was standing there waiting for her to tinkle when it dawned on me that Casper wasn’t in the driveway. Having already been a car theft victim once it was the first thing that went through my mind. “Where’s my car? OMG!” Don’t panic…think. “Call the police…no, call DH first.”
I dragged Patty inside, grabbed the phone, and hit the speed dial. Two rings, he answered, and I stuttered, “M-my car! It isn’t here.”
“I have it. My truck is in the shop. I took it over, they brought me home, and I took your car to go over to my mother’s house.”
“Expletives deleted. Why didn’t you let me know? More expletives deleted. I almost called the police.”
Posted in Misc, Writer, Writing
Tags: Author, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Craft of writing, Dead, Disability, Doggoned, Family, Fiction, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Writer, Writing
Doggonedmysteries 
And a big hello to all the spammers out there
Oct 3
Posted by doggonedmysteries
Cue Monty Python’s Spam music. I do enjoy reading some of the atrocious spam comments that come in. I admit, some of them I go ahead and allow just for chits and grins.
However, if you’re going to spam me please don’t go overboard in your praise of my site. I know better. Sugary overdoses of accolade make me want to go on a diet. I may be a gardener, but excessively flowery praise raises my hackles. Believe me when I say that you aren’t nearly as clever as you think you are.
Did you know that Akismet catches you every time? I am silly enough to slip a few of you through the barricades. I only do it for extreme cleverness, a particularly good turn of phrase, or if I am in a silly mood. Don’t depend on my moods.
For those of you that don’t have a web site through WordPress I will elaborate. Akismet is the spam catcher for WordPress and it does a terrific job. Some spam never even makes my spam folder. Those that do get past Akismet I must sort through and delete. I delete 99% but there’s something about that 1% I let through that I can’t resist allowing.
Posted in Misc, Writer, Writing
2 Comments
Tags: Akismet, Author, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Comment Spam, Craft of writing, Dead, Disability, Doggoned, Family, Fiction, Home, Humor, Life, Love, Monty Python, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Spam, WordPress, Writer, Writing