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Let the Halloween preparations begin…
Posted by doggonedmysteries
“Only you would have a bag full of bloodshot eyeballs and a bubbling, misting cauldron on your kitchen table,” G said as she sat down with her coffee and moved the bag out of her way.
“It’s only twenty three days until Halloween. Here, check out this bag of spider rings Elena sent me.” I handed her said bag to see.
“Cool. What are you going to do with them?”
“Use them for any kids with allergies instead of giving them candy.”
“I want one for my youngest grandson. He’ll love it.”
“You got it. I’ll set a couple aside for him. Now, we need to start figuring out the porch decorations.”
G picked up a pen and began to write on the tablet in front of her. “Haunted house, right?”
“Yep. I need to dig out those old sheets we used to cover the tables we had the props on last year. We can hang them from the porch ceiling and drape down over the windows.” I scratched my head. “Maybe that’ll work. I’ll see what the Halloween store has to offer on Thursday since I’ll be up near there.”
“How many pumpkins will we need?”
“Um, the question is, how many will we be able to carve? My hands about fell off last year.”
“How about we do just one a piece for a change?” G put two pumpkins on the list.
“Works for me. I have a whole bottle of fog juice for the fog machine so we won’t need to get any this year.”
“Did you find your Halloween CD? Remember, last year you had to tear the house apart last minute to find it.”
“It’s on my desk.”
Posted in Holidays
Tags: Author, Beads, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Coffee, comedy, Craft of writing, Crafts, Dead, Disability, Doggoned, Family, Fiction, Halloween, Holidays, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Trick or Treat, Writer, Writing
Fall is here
Posted by doggonedmysteries
Fall has arrived. The leaves are rapidly changing colors and dropping to the ground. I need to get the netting up over the pond soon or I’ll have another huge mess to clean up next spring. I went through it this year and I don’t want to do it again. We do have to raise the netting a bit, so we don’t have the frogs snagging themselves.
I have some PVC pipe to use to construct a framework that I can drape the net over and clip it leaving a 3 to 4 inch space between the bottom of the netting and the ground. That should keep most of the leaves out of the pond and give the frogs free access for as long as they need it.
I took Gavin outside today the air was brisk, the wind moderate, and he was full of himself. The fact is, he was full of himself he didn’t smell, see, notice, or find the dead frog. He walked right past it. No, it wasn’t Goliath. It was a rather large bullfrog but not as big as the worm moocher, Goliath.
However, at the time I didn’t know it wasn’t Goliath because these frogs are seldom active until dusk. Later, I went out to check the pond and quite happily discovered Goliath sitting on the bench rock waiting for me to serve up some worms.
Posted in Dog related, My blog, my garden
Tags: Author, Beads, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Coffee, comedy, Craft of writing, Crafts, Dead, Disability, Dog humor, Doggoned, Dogs, Family, Fiction, Gardening, Gardens, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Pet humor, Pets, Pond, Ponds, Writer, Writing
Buried alive in catalogues
Posted by doggonedmysteries
It would be such a waste if our city didn’t recycle. I struggled to take our paper recycling bin out the curb tonight. Filled to capacity the darned thing is heavy. We put most paper, cardboard, and pasteboard into our blue bins. All the junk mail goes. Sometimes my blue bin can wait for two weeks between recycling nights. However, it seems that this week we had an over abundance of junk mail arrive and it’s not even near an election right now. I pondered this for a while.
Then it hit me. Ah, yes. The bin contained catalogues. It had dozens of catalogues from every imaginable place for every item that exists. Why? “Tis the season and the catalogue storm has only just begun.
We spent far too many hours mining through the Mother-In-Law’s house while she was in the rehab hospital. Therefore, tonight I reminded Dear Hubby to make sure every catalogue she gets hits her bin over the next few months. I do not want to find her buried alive under an avalanche of them some time around Christmas.
Tags: Author, Beads, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Coffee, comedy, Craft of writing, Crafts, Dead, Disability, Doggoned, Elder Care, Family, Fiction, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Recycling, Writer, Writing
Back to a quiet neighborhood?
Posted by doggonedmysteries
It looks as though the front porch and roof construction across the street is finally nearing an end. I’ll be so glad to have the peace and quiet back. From the time the work began, the workers have kept a radio blasting and they start a little after seven in the morning. The work itself isn’t quiet. All of this takes place below my bedroom window. I am somewhat sleep deprived and cranky these days.
I won’t miss the sounds of hammers, saws, cement trucks, wood tossed into dumpsters, the loud radio, and the yelling. I won’t miss the cars of the workers parked everywhere, nor will I miss the honking horns of them leaving.
Why do people have to honk their car horns for anything other than an emergency? For that matter, why do they blast their music so loud that it not only rattles the windows but the bass levels rattle the entire house? Then again, I was one of those teens who didn’t blast my music to deafening levels. Yep, I was weird.
I’d love to see those cars that have the bass up to sonic boom levels suddenly crumble into teensy pieces of metal or fiberglass leaving the startled driver sitting on a seat in the middle of the road. Mwahahaha! Did I say I was a bit cranky?
Tags: Author, Beads, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Coffee, comedy, Craft of writing, Crafts, Dead, Disability, Doggoned, Family, Fiction, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Writer, Writing
How many ways can you say ‘have sex’ and keep it, uh, clean?
Posted by doggonedmysteries
As writers, we have to come up with various ways to say ‘having sex’ without delving into the use of that four letter word. I mean we COULD use that word BUT then you get editors and readers who don’t like the word and stop reading. We don’t want that! Many of us use that word—I include myself in there, but we use it sparingly in our writing, if at all.
At the May Pennwriters conference, the subject came up when I asked Dave, after reading his works for years, just exactly how many ways he could say it. (Actually, I think I said, “Holy crap, Dave you can write F___ in more ways than anyone I know. Have you ever written them all down in a list? We could have some fun by asking everyone what euphemisms they use.) He often surprises me with his euphemisms. Today he finally got around to sending me a list of fifty three.
Dave’s List
- Bang
- Bed bounce
- Bedroom bolero
- Boff
- Boink
- Bounce the Beauty Rest
- Bump uglies
- Bury his boner
- Condom Cha-cha
- Dip his wick
- Do the nasty
- Futon fandango
- Foxtrot on the futon
- Get laid
- Grope and poke
- Haul his ashes
- Honk his horn
- Hop her bones
- Horizontal hoedown
- Hump
- Lay down lap dance
- Massage his mast
- Mating Macarena
- Mattress mambo
- Nail
- Party on the Posturepedic
- Polka on the Posturepedic
- Poke
- Polish his pole
- Pump
- Pump his pole
- Punch
- Put out
- Quickie
- Ride his rod
- Ride the saddle
- Rock the rack
- Rod rumba
- Screw
- Serta samba
- Shake the Serta
- Slide the salami
- Split her uprights
- Stroking his pole
- Sweat the sheets
- Tangle the sheets
- Tangle toenails
- Toe-to-toe tango
- Trojans tango
- Warming his wick
- Waxing his wick
- Woody massage
- Woody waltz
Now, I’m sure there are plenty of writers and regular people who have other euphemisms. Romance writers probably have a whole dictionary of them. You are welcome to add to the list. I only have 4 rules.
- Keep it fairly clean and no fair using the words sex, F**k, or anything Dave beat you to with his list.
- Please no mentioning the body parts involved by name or vulgar slang terms. I don’t want this blog X-rated.
- I have the right of approval, if I find your list offensive I will edit or delete it.
- Dave and I have the right to appropriate all really, really, good ones for our own use. 😉
Posted in My blog
Tags: Author, Beads, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Coffee, comedy, Craft of writing, Crafts, Dead, Disability, Doggoned, Family, Fiction, Harlequin Romances, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Romance writers, Writer, Writers, Writing, writing romance
Some day Stacy and Clinton will darken my door
Posted by doggonedmysteries
I’m a prime candidate for the show What Not To Wear. I am a fashion moron, a fashionista’s nightmare a slob–I’m not kidding here folks. If it weren’t for my dear friend G, I wouldn’t have a thing to wear that wasn’t a T-shirt, or a sweatshirt with jeans. Most of my jeans are ratty looking and my choice of shirts would make Stacey cringe and Clinton vomit.
As I sat there watching the show tonight (for lack of anything else interesting being on TV) I came to conclusion, that one day, in the future, one of my friends was bound to send my name into the show. If only to watch me embarrass myself in public. Then again, I often embarrass myself in public, so what else is new?
I can disgrace myself in less than a minute. Walk me into a clothing store and watch me have a complete meltdown.
“Clothes? You want me to buy clothes? Are you out of your friggin’ mind?”
On another note…Today marks the one year anniversary of this blog. When I began writing this a year ago I never expected to have as many hits or lovely comments as I’ve had. Thank you dear readers for giving me the encouragement to continue doing this.
Posted in Misc
Tags: Author, Beads, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Coffee, comedy, Craft of writing, Crafts, Dead, Disability, Doggoned, Family, Fashionistas, Fiction, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, shopping, What Not To Wear, Writer, Writing
Procrastination or a necessity?
Posted by doggonedmysteries
I finally got around to clearing my desk of junk. Papers, magazines, old bills, and various other piles of debris landed in the recycling bin. Lo and behold, I found my desk.
Was this another delaying tactic on my part? No, in truth, the desk was in dire need of cleaning. I could’ve written my novel in the dust. The heaps of crap stuff were beginning to block my computer monitor. I can’t write if I can’t see the danged screen now can I. When all that’s left sticking out of the detritus is a keyboard, mouse, and three quarters of a monitor screen, I think it’s time to clean. I could call in Kim and Aggie and have them clean, but I don’t think my house is dirty enough to qualify.
Have you seen those houses they clean on that show? If mine looked that ghastly, I’d burn it down. I certainly wouldn’t allow those two women and a camera crew to come in and film them screeching in horror at the filth.
Does a clean and organized desk make you a better writer? I’m not certain about that yet I’ll let you know.
Posted in Misc, My blog, Writer, Writing
Tags: Author, Beads, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, cleaning, Coffee, comedy, Craft of writing, Crafts, Dead, Disability, Doggoned, Family, Fiction, Home, how clean is your house, Humor, Kim and Aggie, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, what a mess, Writer, Writing
Baby, it’s cold outside
Posted by doggonedmysteries
It’s barely over forty degrees outside tonight and my furnace kicked on early this evening. The dogs love this weather. They’ve been total idiots for the last few days. My bruises are proof of that. With every wild romp around the yard or huckle butt in the house, I’m home base. There’s nothing like having two 65 lb dogs land in your lap at the same time.
The trees have begun to dress themselves in their fall finery, and at this rate, I’ll soon have to start raking the yard. That means another bout of insanity with the dogs. They are worse than kids are or I am when it comes to jumping into leaf piles. Gavin and Patty beat me to them every time.
We had such a wet summer we didn’t get to enjoy sitting outside in the evenings as often as we would have liked. I’d sit outside now if I could do so comfortably. But baby, it’s cold outside and I miss summer already.
Posted in Misc
Tags: Author, Beads, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Coffee, comedy, Craft of writing, Crafts, Dead, Disability, Dog humor, Doggoned, Dogs, Family, Fiction, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Pet humor, Pets, Rescue Dogs, Writer, Writing
I peeled myself from the ceiling
Posted by doggonedmysteries
So there I was working away on my book when a loud BANG shook the house. It sounded as if a mortar had gone off in our driveway. After I peeled myself from the ceiling, I cussed a bit because with the BANG, the power went out. I looked at my computer monitor’s black screen, shrugged, and thought, “so much for writing.”
It was a few minutes before five and the dogs were hungry. So was I. Oh, great. At least they could eat I don’t have to cook their food. I fed the dogs while Dear Hubby called the power company—we were the 28th call in the few minutes after the BANG. DH lit all the kerosene lamps. I went out to talk to the neighbors who were gathering out on the sidewalks. We all tried to figure out what had exploded.
I saw G come home and went over to her house. SHE HAD POWER. First thing I said to her when she came to the door was “KMA, woman! You have power.” She laughed. They always seem to have power when ours goes out. They are less than a half block away from us but they are on another line. However, I got the last laugh. She was cooking their dinner. Dear Hubby was ordering pizza.
Posted in Misc
Tags: Author, Beads, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Coffee, comedy, Craft of writing, Crafts, Dead, Disability, Dog humor, Doggoned, Dogs, Family, Fiction, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Pet humor, Pets, Rescue Dogs, Writer, Writing
Healthy dog and no oven light
Posted by doggonedmysteries
As we begin a new week, I’m happy to note that Gavin seems to be back to 100%. There is no swelling in his face or neck and he’s been full of himself all day with this cooler weather. He’s felt so good that he completely wound up Patty. I’m lucky to have a stick left standing in the house. What a pair of loons.
The light in my oven blew tonight. The original light that came with the oven several years back. The oven is a wall oven and the light is in the back, I’m short I can’t reach it without a ladder. Hell, I can’t reach it WITH a ladder.
Dear Hubby decided to come to the rescue. He removed the light cover and went to remove the bulb. The bulb broke at the base. No, the potato trick wouldn’t work. We can’t get the base of the light out. It is well and truly stuck, and now quite a mess, since he tried to remove it with tools. He tried pliers, needle nosed pliers, even a friggin’ chisel for heaven’s sake. I have no light in my oven. I have a mangled, completely stuck, base of a light bulb, but no light.
Posted in Dog related, Misc, My blog
Tags: Author, Beads, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Coffee, comedy, Craft of writing, Crafts, Dead, Disability, Dog humor, Doggoned, Dogs, Family, Fiction, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Pet humor, Pets, Rescue Dogs, Writer, Writing
My manuscript as a patchwork quilt
Posted by doggonedmysteries
As of right now, my manuscript reminds me of a patchwork quilt I tried to make years ago. Some pieces aren’t quite right but others look perfectly stitched in. I can’t say that the quilt ever looked good enough to show to anyone but it was warm and cozy.
The manuscript will go on display one day as a completed work. I still have several months, and many hours of work left to do. As I’ve worked on it, I’ve mended tattered edges, cut out ragged pieces, and repaired some bad prose. I killed off a character, changed another one, and transformed the book a bit.
Unlike that failed quilt—I never was good at math and quilts require math to do them well—this manuscript is looking better. Thank goodness, writing doesn’t require math skills.
To my agent I say, don’t worry ‘tis a far, far better thing I do the book is better and when I send it to you I’m sure you will sell it.
Posted in My books, Writer, Writing
Tags: Author, Beads, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Craft of writing, Dead, Disability, Doggoned, Family, Fiction, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Writer, Writing
Gnasty gnats
Posted by doggonedmysteries
The last couple of weeks we have a plague of gnats. They swarm and bite not just the dogs but us too. When I ran the trimmer around the pond, the gardens, and along the fence those nasty bugs were biting the heck out of my ears. They drew blood and were worse than the mosquitoes. It’s a darned shame the bull frogs consider them too small to be an appetizer.
No, our frogs want to eat birds and nightcrawlers. One of the frogs, probably Goliath, has the mourning doves on heightened patrol at the waterfall. The birds have begun to use a lookout when they come in to drink. I haven’t seen any starlings stop by for quite a while.
When I sit on the little bench by the back door, I can see a dozen or so gold finches feasting on my coneflowers’ seeds. They arrive every afternoon around five and aren’t as skittish now as they were this summer. The cat bird joins them. From the far side of the cemetery I can hear the red tailed hawk yelling at the mowers. I can’t stay outside and enjoy the birds for long because the gnats discover me again.
Posted in Dog related, hobbies, my garden
Tags: Author, Beads, bird watching, Birds, Bones, books, Books on writing, Bull Terriers, Care giving, Caregiver, Coffee, comedy, Craft of writing, Crafts, Dead, Disability, Dog humor, Doggoned, Dogs, Family, Fiction, Gardening, Gardens, Home, Humor, Life, Love, MS, Multiple Sclerosis, Murder, Mysteries, Mystery, Novel writing, Pet humor, Pets, Pond, Ponds, Rescue Dogs, Writer, Writing
Doggonedmysteries 